JUST A GIRL
The whole going to Japan thing can be overwhelming and scary. It is a lot harder for me to leave here for somewhere new than it was for me to leave home for to come to Sydney. One would have thought, it would have been easier.
It is something I want and I don't want at the same time, sometimes I can't get to sleep or I can't get out of bed just thinking about it. I ought to know better, with everything God has provided for me. I won't have to worry about working visas or being purposefully and gainfully employed, or my anxieties of going home and feeling creatively constrained after being away for so long. While these prayers have been answered, I still worry about the support structures that I think I'll need and I won't have in Japan. Like how bad i am with heiroglyphic languages (See: Mandarin), or finding a english speaking church, not even to say, one with a solid bible teaching, or the friends and relationships that I have learnt are so important and I treasure and don't want to leave or those I was hoping to re-establish and those that I'll need to make, the difficulties in the cultural barrier the lifestyle of an open economy but cloistered asian society, and worst of all, because close to my heart is the wonder how God will settle the situation of my life-partner at this rate He takes me places. This such an irrational and emotional thing which I struggle to hand over to God daily.
God, please help me trust you with all the desires of my heart, with my deepest longings and fears and patience to wait for your answers.
On the other hand, I still have yet to hear an update about the actual progress of my contract so...
Audio: All That I Need by Corrinne May
Biblio: Moby Dick by Herman Melville
It is something I want and I don't want at the same time, sometimes I can't get to sleep or I can't get out of bed just thinking about it. I ought to know better, with everything God has provided for me. I won't have to worry about working visas or being purposefully and gainfully employed, or my anxieties of going home and feeling creatively constrained after being away for so long. While these prayers have been answered, I still worry about the support structures that I think I'll need and I won't have in Japan. Like how bad i am with heiroglyphic languages (See: Mandarin), or finding a english speaking church, not even to say, one with a solid bible teaching, or the friends and relationships that I have learnt are so important and I treasure and don't want to leave or those I was hoping to re-establish and those that I'll need to make, the difficulties in the cultural barrier the lifestyle of an open economy but cloistered asian society, and worst of all, because close to my heart is the wonder how God will settle the situation of my life-partner at this rate He takes me places. This such an irrational and emotional thing which I struggle to hand over to God daily.
God, please help me trust you with all the desires of my heart, with my deepest longings and fears and patience to wait for your answers.
On the other hand, I still have yet to hear an update about the actual progress of my contract so...
Audio: All That I Need by Corrinne May
Biblio: Moby Dick by Herman Melville
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 10:58 am ::
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home