EMO

- Sydney Central Station -

A few years ago, as I moved from one phase to another, one country to another, not quite unlike this time, I remember very clearly, speaking to God abstractly about what the next few years ahead was going to be about. He told me (I swear, its one of the few times he has actually spoken to me. I remember things like that) that something great would come out of it. Okay, I don't know what he meant by "great" and I could've mistaken "great" for "good" over the satelitte interference. But, good, great, what does it matter if it's God's? I have to admit, since then, its all been good. Way better than I had even knew to expect. So, I know I'm approaching a very very exciting next new phase where I'll be able to use what I've learnt and acquired over my time here to apply it to something which does look a bit fuzzy to me at the moment over there.

Somehow, I know this is what he wants me to do for now. Unlike the last time I may have mistaken his promptings and fouled up big, this time I'm not pre-empting him. I go back to play and replay how I ended up going to Japan and it would be my foolish, foolish pride if I even supposed that I had done this on my own. God's right time and God's right place doing a right thing by God, is what got me this opportunity.

But, I'm not too pleased at all to be going away. I had a good night yesterday. Dru took me out for Japanese dinner (my favourite!) and then we strolled the unchartered backlanes of the city on the "wrong" side of the Harbour bridge, watched fireworks as if they were meant specially for me, lounged over coffee at one of the bars at the Quay in full view of the Habour bridge, the Opera House and when we turned back around we saw the city skyline and then...

Nothing is more obvious to me now than the passing of an era of my life. Everything yells and echos in my head that my time here is up. Few of the peers I started with are still hanging around Sydney and the faces in my life are all relatively fresh. More than anything, its an illusion of safety and comfort. People have, are and will be moving on. We all are. I would not be in God's timing in my life if I didn't take this next step. I remember telling Dru early in the year that something told me I wasn't to be hanging around here for much longer.

While I was waiting for him, I heard christmas carols come on over the radio. I saw him move around the doors but I planted myself firm in my seat cause I just wanted to hear till the end of the song. I felt so far from home and I was glad as anything that I was going to see Mom and Dad again after so long. There is so much to look forward to! Spring! Summer! Festival and carnivelesque excitement of the Glebe Street fair tomorrow! Christmas, holidays, friends of yore and all that! But I can't decide once and for all if I'm more happy to go or more sad that I am not staying. It's hard juggling between two so different emotions. I can't really make out what its all telling me. My time here is finished, I don't question that at all. God has some plans to prosper me, to give me hope and to show me my future. Yet, I still find it hard to leave.

God, help me use this time and these emotions to focus on you and grow in our relationship. Help me know that you will make things alright. Help me believe.

Audio: Stuck in a moment by U2.
Biblio: Dude, Where's my country? by Michael Moore.
Cerebrio: How true. Ho hum. Humpf. . . .