RUN YOUR FINGERS DOWN THE SMALL OF MY BACK
I caught myself doing a double take this evening, as biblestudy wrapped up, Nic said she and The Chimpanze would be meeting tomorrow. I didn’t even have to hear the rest of her sentence to register what I felt. It’s natural but completely unwarranted and I know exactly what I was thinking. As the rest of the conversation filtered through my ears, my thoughts were “I’m leaving soon and you’d rather be meeting Nic tomorrow to write someone’s 21st speech a week in advance, when I have to wait till saturday?” I caught myself and I knew there was something was wrong.
What did that say about me and The Chimp that I was not quite getting? I know where I put friends and I put relationships first. No doubt, I would just about drop whatever I was doing if the chimp wanted company for whatever reason. I enjoy the chimpanze's company, whatever, whenever and I’d like more of it in fact. But what about the chimp? It’s not that the chimp's obligated, the chimp is not a lover or another half, though I do sometimes wish it could have been. It’s cool where it is, after all, that’s an adequate commitment for a friendship less than six months. (Not that time should be a factor...) But I think it says something about where I’ve misplaced my intimacy.
I recall my relationship with Finlay in college, it fell apart for not so disimilar reasons. I guess its a good thing I’m going to Japan; let's leave it where the friendship is good and not ruin it by running it amok. Doesn’t change it though that I’ve grown quite attached to the chimp though and given the choice to follow my heart, I wouldn’t change a thing. It's confusing. I've already said that the ape said that given our personality styles and how we get on so well, we would’ve made good lovers or how the chimp was running fingers down the small of my back with arms behind my seat when we were at the bar.
Unfortunately, the chimp and I have to reprioritise what we share and put it in appropriate perspective. I guess I ought to be thankful that I've noticed where it could have gone bad. I should know when to say goodbye and it's pretty soon. I’m sad I’m leaving the chimp but I’m not sad that I’m leaving it with no regrets of the possibility of ruining it if I misjudged my commitment to our friendship.
What did that say about me and The Chimp that I was not quite getting? I know where I put friends and I put relationships first. No doubt, I would just about drop whatever I was doing if the chimp wanted company for whatever reason. I enjoy the chimpanze's company, whatever, whenever and I’d like more of it in fact. But what about the chimp? It’s not that the chimp's obligated, the chimp is not a lover or another half, though I do sometimes wish it could have been. It’s cool where it is, after all, that’s an adequate commitment for a friendship less than six months. (Not that time should be a factor...) But I think it says something about where I’ve misplaced my intimacy.
I recall my relationship with Finlay in college, it fell apart for not so disimilar reasons. I guess its a good thing I’m going to Japan; let's leave it where the friendship is good and not ruin it by running it amok. Doesn’t change it though that I’ve grown quite attached to the chimp though and given the choice to follow my heart, I wouldn’t change a thing. It's confusing. I've already said that the ape said that given our personality styles and how we get on so well, we would’ve made good lovers or how the chimp was running fingers down the small of my back with arms behind my seat when we were at the bar.
Unfortunately, the chimp and I have to reprioritise what we share and put it in appropriate perspective. I guess I ought to be thankful that I've noticed where it could have gone bad. I should know when to say goodbye and it's pretty soon. I’m sad I’m leaving the chimp but I’m not sad that I’m leaving it with no regrets of the possibility of ruining it if I misjudged my commitment to our friendship.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 11:24 pm ::
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home