THE CULTURAL CHAMELEON
Work sucked today. Not because of the kids. My manager and I are not doing well. My ethics and christian principles are getting in the way of her student numbers but teaching itself was relatively smooth considering today is the first day of the new Japanese school year. Yet another thing they do differently. Start the year in April. It doesn't even follow the Lunar calendar. The good thing about starting the year is that I can come up with new resolutions all over again! All the ones that time has proven over-ambitious.
Extra-terrestrial
The good news is, I'm getting better with the kids. As proof of my rapport with them, I have acquired a new nickname, strangely apt. They call me, Alien. Now, when I was in school, thanks to the pair of very far-sighted parents of mine, I would get called all sorts of names. My name was easily mistaken for "lion", "lee-ahn", "Lie-anne", "lian". After lots of emphasis, the kids I teach get my pronunciation right. But Japanese colloquialism gets the better of it. The Japanese here make a habit of thinking noises, the "uhrmmm", "aaahhh", "mmmm. Ahhh, toh...." or "ahh-no-neh..." or the even worse "neh neh neh neh neh" to direct attention to you. The last one drives me absolutely up the wall. "Neh" in Hokkien dialect of which I attribute part of my ethnicity to, means "nipple" or at least something of that general derogatory derivative. Either I am aghast at being insulted at or floored at its comic value. Aaaahhh, anyway I digress. Aahhh... Aaahh.. Aahhh toh... where was I? Aahh-no... Aahh.. Ly! Aahh..Ly-***! Guess what?! You just called me an alien too! Ironicially, "foreigner" in Japanese "gaikokujin" or its contraction, "gaijin" means ALIEN. And just to prove my point, my identity card says "Certificate of Alien registration". I feel as if I've stepped right on to the set of MIB. Right down to the suits I have to wear to work. Now if only I could get the director to hand me one of those cool shades. Would definitely come in useful now that winter is being kicked out by Spring sunshine.
Neuralising an Alien: Please look into the light. You will not remember anything after...
As for being an Alien and the cultural chameleon things that I have to endure, one of them is this. To lose my identity. I've lost it and I don't know where it is. For the convoluted way I was hired, I am mistaken for of being something of an Australian - You can't imagine how sorry I am for this. Not that Sydney's bad but I make a bad Aussie! - or a Hawaiian - That's a first! - Because, apparently you CANT actually be asian if you speak such good english. At least an ethnic Japanese American Hawaiian. Oh, whatever! - by both the Japanese here and the other expatriates. Singapore doesn't even register regardless of the fact that they are all obsessed about heritage, ethnicity and race. Perhaps, I make an even worse Singaporean? So, I have to explain my disguise (geddit, gaijin-in-disguise?), "Yes, I pass off for a Japanese. My ancestors came from China and Malaysia and my parents are Singaporean. I was hired in Sydney but YES, I still hold my Singapore passport (why would I not?!) even though I've spent time studying and working in Australia." OH, YOU COME FROM AUSTRALIA! I WENT TO BRISBANE THREE YEARS AGO! *blink* Ho hum. And bless the dear hearts of the gaijin girls at church, they took me to Nankai-bashi (China-town) in Kobe to sample Chinese fare! Who knows what these strange Singaporeans eat? I didn't have to heart to correct my mistaken identity!
Which leads me to my favourite topic: food. Eat! Drink! Be Merry! Well, of drinking there is no end to being merry. Not when you purchase cider at the local mart only to learn that it isn't cider! Or to look for lemonade and get cider instead! Well, not really cider at all. Lemonade, Sprite, 7-up, soda; its called Cider here. Don't ask me why. It completely floored me. It doesn't even pretend to be something related to apples. It's lemons pretending to be apples by being transparent lemonade. So, while I was in Kobe a few weeks ago, the topic of beef came about. Kobe Beef. I don't need to prove exactly how strange this country is - their cows get massages. Not sure if its swedish or remedial or thai (no, can't be. Their too nationalistic for that) or deep tissue (could very well be!). But, yes. They do get that sort of massages. The Japanese love their meat fatty. Beef isn't a red slab of blood on the cold counter. Its a marble slice of fat and flesh. That's what the massages are for. Massaging the fat into the meat. I'm still thinking twice about getting a Japanese shiatsu massage... Apparently they are so tasty that the Japanese swear their steaks are ten folds better than the American steaks. I beg to differ. But then, they are not that unlike the other country of which they adore; exclusive and isolated to the world enough to think that Italian pasta is not as good as their spaghetti and that imported cheddar cheese is lower fare then their cheese. I have yet to see a flock of any type of animals let alone a cow in Japan. Maybe its pretending to be something else!
Lost without translation
As for more gaijin mishaps, I faced the first day of April with absolute shock at how, overnight, the prices of everything jumped! It being the new financial year as well, the Koizumi Diet (less like the Atkins Diet and more like the old English word for a meeting or gathering as used to describe political assemblies such as the famous Diet of Worms for which Martin Luther was persecuted. Yea! Lets see you try THAT diet!) also implemented inclusive goods and luxury duties directly onto price tags. I won't go into the politick of that, but you see I completely missed out on that too. Anyway, to salve some concerns, my hair is still long. I haven't shorn of my locks. Actually, its grown longer. I haven't acquired enough Japanese to visit the hairdressers! Aahh-no- - - -, isn't it a good thing the school year has started? Cause that means I start my Japanese lessons too!
Totally lost without translation, your friendly gaijin in disguise, リ-アン タン (The Chilibuddy).
Audio: Harder to breathe by Maroon-5 on Virginradio.co.uk. Its strange hearing about after-work peak hour traffic on the roads of London at midnight in Japan.
Biblio: Kansai Time Out.
Cerebrio: Veracity, sincerity and integrity is sorely lacking over here. So much for Bushi-do.
Extra-terrestrial
The good news is, I'm getting better with the kids. As proof of my rapport with them, I have acquired a new nickname, strangely apt. They call me, Alien. Now, when I was in school, thanks to the pair of very far-sighted parents of mine, I would get called all sorts of names. My name was easily mistaken for "lion", "lee-ahn", "Lie-anne", "lian". After lots of emphasis, the kids I teach get my pronunciation right. But Japanese colloquialism gets the better of it. The Japanese here make a habit of thinking noises, the "uhrmmm", "aaahhh", "mmmm. Ahhh, toh...." or "ahh-no-neh..." or the even worse "neh neh neh neh neh" to direct attention to you. The last one drives me absolutely up the wall. "Neh" in Hokkien dialect of which I attribute part of my ethnicity to, means "nipple" or at least something of that general derogatory derivative. Either I am aghast at being insulted at or floored at its comic value. Aaaahhh, anyway I digress. Aahhh... Aaahh.. Aahhh toh... where was I? Aahh-no... Aahh.. Ly! Aahh..Ly-***! Guess what?! You just called me an alien too! Ironicially, "foreigner" in Japanese "gaikokujin" or its contraction, "gaijin" means ALIEN. And just to prove my point, my identity card says "Certificate of Alien registration". I feel as if I've stepped right on to the set of MIB. Right down to the suits I have to wear to work. Now if only I could get the director to hand me one of those cool shades. Would definitely come in useful now that winter is being kicked out by Spring sunshine.
Neuralising an Alien: Please look into the light. You will not remember anything after...
As for being an Alien and the cultural chameleon things that I have to endure, one of them is this. To lose my identity. I've lost it and I don't know where it is. For the convoluted way I was hired, I am mistaken for of being something of an Australian - You can't imagine how sorry I am for this. Not that Sydney's bad but I make a bad Aussie! - or a Hawaiian - That's a first! - Because, apparently you CANT actually be asian if you speak such good english. At least an ethnic Japanese American Hawaiian. Oh, whatever! - by both the Japanese here and the other expatriates. Singapore doesn't even register regardless of the fact that they are all obsessed about heritage, ethnicity and race. Perhaps, I make an even worse Singaporean? So, I have to explain my disguise (geddit, gaijin-in-disguise?), "Yes, I pass off for a Japanese. My ancestors came from China and Malaysia and my parents are Singaporean. I was hired in Sydney but YES, I still hold my Singapore passport (why would I not?!) even though I've spent time studying and working in Australia." OH, YOU COME FROM AUSTRALIA! I WENT TO BRISBANE THREE YEARS AGO! *blink* Ho hum. And bless the dear hearts of the gaijin girls at church, they took me to Nankai-bashi (China-town) in Kobe to sample Chinese fare! Who knows what these strange Singaporeans eat? I didn't have to heart to correct my mistaken identity!
Which leads me to my favourite topic: food. Eat! Drink! Be Merry! Well, of drinking there is no end to being merry. Not when you purchase cider at the local mart only to learn that it isn't cider! Or to look for lemonade and get cider instead! Well, not really cider at all. Lemonade, Sprite, 7-up, soda; its called Cider here. Don't ask me why. It completely floored me. It doesn't even pretend to be something related to apples. It's lemons pretending to be apples by being transparent lemonade. So, while I was in Kobe a few weeks ago, the topic of beef came about. Kobe Beef. I don't need to prove exactly how strange this country is - their cows get massages. Not sure if its swedish or remedial or thai (no, can't be. Their too nationalistic for that) or deep tissue (could very well be!). But, yes. They do get that sort of massages. The Japanese love their meat fatty. Beef isn't a red slab of blood on the cold counter. Its a marble slice of fat and flesh. That's what the massages are for. Massaging the fat into the meat. I'm still thinking twice about getting a Japanese shiatsu massage... Apparently they are so tasty that the Japanese swear their steaks are ten folds better than the American steaks. I beg to differ. But then, they are not that unlike the other country of which they adore; exclusive and isolated to the world enough to think that Italian pasta is not as good as their spaghetti and that imported cheddar cheese is lower fare then their cheese. I have yet to see a flock of any type of animals let alone a cow in Japan. Maybe its pretending to be something else!
Lost without translation
As for more gaijin mishaps, I faced the first day of April with absolute shock at how, overnight, the prices of everything jumped! It being the new financial year as well, the Koizumi Diet (less like the Atkins Diet and more like the old English word for a meeting or gathering as used to describe political assemblies such as the famous Diet of Worms for which Martin Luther was persecuted. Yea! Lets see you try THAT diet!) also implemented inclusive goods and luxury duties directly onto price tags. I won't go into the politick of that, but you see I completely missed out on that too. Anyway, to salve some concerns, my hair is still long. I haven't shorn of my locks. Actually, its grown longer. I haven't acquired enough Japanese to visit the hairdressers! Aahh-no- - - -, isn't it a good thing the school year has started? Cause that means I start my Japanese lessons too!
Totally lost without translation, your friendly gaijin in disguise, リ-アン タン (The Chilibuddy).
Audio: Harder to breathe by Maroon-5 on Virginradio.co.uk. Its strange hearing about after-work peak hour traffic on the roads of London at midnight in Japan.
Biblio: Kansai Time Out.
Cerebrio: Veracity, sincerity and integrity is sorely lacking over here. So much for Bushi-do.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 11:47 pm ::
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