A SADDNESS WELLING UP INSIDE ME
How does life go on, when you wake up to another bad work day (as work days generally go), turn on the computer at your desk, download the day's email and then find out that the your boyfriend, posted to work 10,000 miles away, had a one night stand, a few lonely, drunken months ago. How?
What do you do when in the middle of a busy work day, you receive an email apologising that you had to be informed this way of all ways, "Sorry, I've fallen in love with someone else whom I met on a holiday." What do you do?
What do you say, when you call someone on another continent to congratulate them on their graduation only to hear the words -"I'm really busy now. I'm on my way to lunch. This relationship isn't working. I think we should break-up. I've been seeing some one else for the last couple of weeks" - all in one breathe?
What are you supposed to do, when after waiting out for months at an out-posting, at your first lunch together, he answers a call in that voice only previously reserved for you? When his plans for the rest of your first day back don't include you. What are you supposed to do, when you just know?
What do you do when the pit of your stomach turns upside down? When your bones turn to lead? When your fingers turn to ice? When your tongue turns into the Sahara? When a frog materializes in your throat? When your lunch threatens to come straight out the way it went in a few hours ago? How do you make it through the first minute, the first hour, the next day, when the very center of your life becomes an immense vortex, a burgeoning blackhole sucking the reason of your entire existence into itself? How do you even begin to fathom to make it through? Or, have someone else think you could do it all over again one day? It's not something you can just pick yourself up from, dust off the dirt and go on like it was any other day. The day that it happens, you change forever.
Someone put a band-aid on,
And wrap in up in gauze.
Hold it tight, while it bleeds,
Never let it go.
Watch the scab heal the scar
In that secret place inside.
Put a finger on your lips,
then put it on my heart.
Audio: Run Eyed Blues by Ben Harper.
Biblio: A Short History of the World by Bill Bryson.
Cerebrio: A saddness is welling up inside me.
What do you do when in the middle of a busy work day, you receive an email apologising that you had to be informed this way of all ways, "Sorry, I've fallen in love with someone else whom I met on a holiday." What do you do?
What do you say, when you call someone on another continent to congratulate them on their graduation only to hear the words -"I'm really busy now. I'm on my way to lunch. This relationship isn't working. I think we should break-up. I've been seeing some one else for the last couple of weeks" - all in one breathe?
What are you supposed to do, when after waiting out for months at an out-posting, at your first lunch together, he answers a call in that voice only previously reserved for you? When his plans for the rest of your first day back don't include you. What are you supposed to do, when you just know?
What do you do when the pit of your stomach turns upside down? When your bones turn to lead? When your fingers turn to ice? When your tongue turns into the Sahara? When a frog materializes in your throat? When your lunch threatens to come straight out the way it went in a few hours ago? How do you make it through the first minute, the first hour, the next day, when the very center of your life becomes an immense vortex, a burgeoning blackhole sucking the reason of your entire existence into itself? How do you even begin to fathom to make it through? Or, have someone else think you could do it all over again one day? It's not something you can just pick yourself up from, dust off the dirt and go on like it was any other day. The day that it happens, you change forever.
Someone put a band-aid on,
And wrap in up in gauze.
Hold it tight, while it bleeds,
Never let it go.
Watch the scab heal the scar
In that secret place inside.
Put a finger on your lips,
then put it on my heart.
Audio: Run Eyed Blues by Ben Harper.
Biblio: A Short History of the World by Bill Bryson.
Cerebrio: A saddness is welling up inside me.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 12:57 am ::
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