ON BEING SHORT
Something's been bothering me. Its taken me this long to realize that I've been bothered. I've got a few ideas what with, but I still don't know what. I've been pretty short with everyone around me and when I'm not, I'm doing it in my head. I have a nagging sense of discontent as my shadow.
If its not Mom on the phone, its Su on Skype, my co-teacher, my flatmate, my regular checkout register at the supermarket or just everything about Japan in general. I don't think anyone should take it personally. I would say I'm sorry, but I don't even know how to begin an explanation. You can't really say "sorry" without saying why you messed up in the first the place. At least I cannae. IMO, apologizing without an explanation, to say nothing of it being valid or not, suggests a conclusion to the problem that will never occur again. I don't want to be short with anyone, but I do get there sometimes and sometimes faster than others. On the whole, I don't want to be curt and terse and all that, but I don't know if whatever it is that has been bothering me will soon pass and then it won't be the thorn at my side.
So, in order not to be the thorn in another's side, I take to keeping mum and skulking. The more often my mouth is open, the higher the probability of my saying something dumb and stupid that I will truly regret later. When I'm deep in thought without a conclusion, I am silent, on the matter and on the whole. Some call this the silent treatment. I hear that too is considered offensive. Basically nothing I do when I'm bothered is "safe".
And, of course, the equation is hyperbolic. Something bothers me. I get short. Then, I get more bothered that I'm acting up on everyone. Wateffer. Y'know.
And, if my flatmate is reading this, and I know she does, and I don't get to say this before she actually reads it, I'm sorry my mind's been locked up in a box juggling a few things so thanks a million for putting up with it. I'm sorry I haven't been truely showing how much I do appreciate that you are my family in Japan. And I love that God's given me this family in Japan.
If I only remembered everything in the order God intended, I would be the more grateful and loving about it all. I guess that was somesort of catalyst. Something distracted me from the order of things and threw it all into disarray. Oh, the Devil is a tricksy little hobbit. Okay, now I'm gonna come back on full attack on him. But first, I'm going to count the dates and then blame everything on PMT.
Audio: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.
Biblio: Foreign Bodies by Hwee Hwee Tan. Again.
Cerebrio: Everything is winding me up in my side. And, I have not been a loving person.
If its not Mom on the phone, its Su on Skype, my co-teacher, my flatmate, my regular checkout register at the supermarket or just everything about Japan in general. I don't think anyone should take it personally. I would say I'm sorry, but I don't even know how to begin an explanation. You can't really say "sorry" without saying why you messed up in the first the place. At least I cannae. IMO, apologizing without an explanation, to say nothing of it being valid or not, suggests a conclusion to the problem that will never occur again. I don't want to be short with anyone, but I do get there sometimes and sometimes faster than others. On the whole, I don't want to be curt and terse and all that, but I don't know if whatever it is that has been bothering me will soon pass and then it won't be the thorn at my side.
So, in order not to be the thorn in another's side, I take to keeping mum and skulking. The more often my mouth is open, the higher the probability of my saying something dumb and stupid that I will truly regret later. When I'm deep in thought without a conclusion, I am silent, on the matter and on the whole. Some call this the silent treatment. I hear that too is considered offensive. Basically nothing I do when I'm bothered is "safe".
And, of course, the equation is hyperbolic. Something bothers me. I get short. Then, I get more bothered that I'm acting up on everyone. Wateffer. Y'know.
And, if my flatmate is reading this, and I know she does, and I don't get to say this before she actually reads it, I'm sorry my mind's been locked up in a box juggling a few things so thanks a million for putting up with it. I'm sorry I haven't been truely showing how much I do appreciate that you are my family in Japan. And I love that God's given me this family in Japan.
If I only remembered everything in the order God intended, I would be the more grateful and loving about it all. I guess that was somesort of catalyst. Something distracted me from the order of things and threw it all into disarray. Oh, the Devil is a tricksy little hobbit. Okay, now I'm gonna come back on full attack on him. But first, I'm going to count the dates and then blame everything on PMT.
Audio: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.
Biblio: Foreign Bodies by Hwee Hwee Tan. Again.
Cerebrio: Everything is winding me up in my side. And, I have not been a loving person.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 10:00 pm ::
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