TERRIBLE MATERIAL FOR A WITNESS
I've just spent one hour tossing and turning in bed, being convicted about just how selfish and self-centred I have am. I feel really irritated with myself for how poorly I do. I can't believe I horded the computer the whole evening and then proceeded to kick Laura off it after less than 10 minutes to check her email. And the worse thing about it, I managed to twist my head around it such that I justified my actions. I knew better the minute I got my way. But its not just this. It's that I realise, in almost every facet, I have been selfish about what I can get out of things.
Take my learning Japanese. I've been on a roll. Alright, God's given me the Holy Spirit to give me the gift of learning this language. I'm not great at languages compared to anyone else, but anyone who knows me well enough know that learning a foreign language is a miracle in itself. I've taken the opportunity to ask every Japanese whom I am in contact with and who will give me the time of day to help me with my japanese. "How do you say (insert appropriate phrase) in Japanese?" "What do the lyrics of this worship song mean?" "Can you help me? I have some (more like 20) words I didn't understand from the message/song/conversation (delete as neccessary)." Man, they must tire of me. Oh no! The Chilibuddy is approaching with her notebook! I have to explain Japanese to her. AGAIN. And she's crap at it, man. She should just give up and speak english. We can understand her fine in English anyway.
But this is the point. I've been wondering if and why people haven't seemed so excited about my trying to learn and speak to them in Japanese and just go straight to speaking to me in English. And I was thinking, "C'mon people, whats wrong with you? I'm trying to speak Japanese so I can minister to you." And my going up to them at work or at church is just another excuse to be practicing my japanese. At the end of the day, I am after all, as bad as the Japanese who drive all of us English-speaking foreigners a bit mad by saying, "Can I practice my English with you?"
It's true folks, surprise surprise! Every breathing thought that I have, is all about how and what I have to gain out of a situation, how it advantages me or not and why I should do it. Only second to that when I catch myself do I consciously choose to think, "okay, how can I be an encouragment...", "how can I be helpful...", "how can I be a comfort...", etc. Life in ministry should not be about 50-50 fairness. We're called to be giving, loving witnesses that reflect what Jesus would do for us. What would I do for others? What am I saying about myself? That I make for a terrible witness in Japan. Oh God, what you must have to do to make me useful for your field here...
Audio: My typing...
Biblio: Foreign Bodies by Hwee Hwee Tan.
Cerebrio: God, please change my heart. Make me less selfish and more selfless and loving. Help me love more.
Take my learning Japanese. I've been on a roll. Alright, God's given me the Holy Spirit to give me the gift of learning this language. I'm not great at languages compared to anyone else, but anyone who knows me well enough know that learning a foreign language is a miracle in itself. I've taken the opportunity to ask every Japanese whom I am in contact with and who will give me the time of day to help me with my japanese. "How do you say (insert appropriate phrase) in Japanese?" "What do the lyrics of this worship song mean?" "Can you help me? I have some (more like 20) words I didn't understand from the message/song/conversation (delete as neccessary)." Man, they must tire of me. Oh no! The Chilibuddy is approaching with her notebook! I have to explain Japanese to her. AGAIN. And she's crap at it, man. She should just give up and speak english. We can understand her fine in English anyway.
But this is the point. I've been wondering if and why people haven't seemed so excited about my trying to learn and speak to them in Japanese and just go straight to speaking to me in English. And I was thinking, "C'mon people, whats wrong with you? I'm trying to speak Japanese so I can minister to you." And my going up to them at work or at church is just another excuse to be practicing my japanese. At the end of the day, I am after all, as bad as the Japanese who drive all of us English-speaking foreigners a bit mad by saying, "Can I practice my English with you?"
It's true folks, surprise surprise! Every breathing thought that I have, is all about how and what I have to gain out of a situation, how it advantages me or not and why I should do it. Only second to that when I catch myself do I consciously choose to think, "okay, how can I be an encouragment...", "how can I be helpful...", "how can I be a comfort...", etc. Life in ministry should not be about 50-50 fairness. We're called to be giving, loving witnesses that reflect what Jesus would do for us. What would I do for others? What am I saying about myself? That I make for a terrible witness in Japan. Oh God, what you must have to do to make me useful for your field here...
Audio: My typing...
Biblio: Foreign Bodies by Hwee Hwee Tan.
Cerebrio: God, please change my heart. Make me less selfish and more selfless and loving. Help me love more.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 1:54 am ::
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