THE CLOSING CHAPTERS
The closing chapter is not for another 6 or more weeks but something or other is coming to an end. Having now paid for the services of a host, I should endeavour to use said services. After 5 years of considering it, I shall simply plant myself there and settle in. I need to settle down myself anyway and maybe this will be a start.
This week, my emotions have been on something of a rollercoaster. Laura and I have had a big week of emotional freewheeling. I guess we're just trying to catharthise everything that has been happening and will be happening around us - and some more. I think we're only just beginning to scratch the surface of finding how much we mean to each other. There is a small possibility that she feels she's about to lose a friend to a boy - but only so slightly I.M.H.O.
I spoked to God frankly about it. There are a few things I still want in life. It turns out, I want kids, for that I will want to have a partner, a man, more specifically, I think I want one particular man at the moment. But, I only think I want it. Then, sometimes, I think I really don't want him. And, that's only my side of the story. We haven't gone into the logistics of time and place even. So, it might not happen after all although I am prone to bouts of courage to think I might just speak my mind to him about it.
Even then, supposing it all went smoothly for me and him the next couple of weeks, the thought of not being able to spend time with L is almost painful. If its hard for her, that we hang out as a trio, then ... well, I don't really want to have to choose because its not fun at all without her.
The thing is, all this talk about the possibility of "losing me as a friend to a boy", is really the premature contractions of when our lives finally have to part. By golly, we're doing a good job of trying to stretch it all the way to Singapore for as long as we can till our lives have to part and she has to go start off her next chapter of life in Teacher's College. And hopefully by then, I will have figured out where my life is headed.
Audio: She Left On a Monday by Bic Runga.
Biblio: The Curious Incidents of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.
Cerebrio: After having lived alone for five years and then having put together a life here with a friend, I don't want to live alone again.
This week, my emotions have been on something of a rollercoaster. Laura and I have had a big week of emotional freewheeling. I guess we're just trying to catharthise everything that has been happening and will be happening around us - and some more. I think we're only just beginning to scratch the surface of finding how much we mean to each other. There is a small possibility that she feels she's about to lose a friend to a boy - but only so slightly I.M.H.O.
I spoked to God frankly about it. There are a few things I still want in life. It turns out, I want kids, for that I will want to have a partner, a man, more specifically, I think I want one particular man at the moment. But, I only think I want it. Then, sometimes, I think I really don't want him. And, that's only my side of the story. We haven't gone into the logistics of time and place even. So, it might not happen after all although I am prone to bouts of courage to think I might just speak my mind to him about it.
Even then, supposing it all went smoothly for me and him the next couple of weeks, the thought of not being able to spend time with L is almost painful. If its hard for her, that we hang out as a trio, then ... well, I don't really want to have to choose because its not fun at all without her.
The thing is, all this talk about the possibility of "losing me as a friend to a boy", is really the premature contractions of when our lives finally have to part. By golly, we're doing a good job of trying to stretch it all the way to Singapore for as long as we can till our lives have to part and she has to go start off her next chapter of life in Teacher's College. And hopefully by then, I will have figured out where my life is headed.
Audio: She Left On a Monday by Bic Runga.
Biblio: The Curious Incidents of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.
Cerebrio: After having lived alone for five years and then having put together a life here with a friend, I don't want to live alone again.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 2:05 pm ::
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