JUST TWO THINGS
Two things struck me today in prayer and counsel.
[1] I have let it slip me by completely that my job here, my work in AIS, is a purpose to be in Japan. In the busyness of the school year, I have so easily forgotten that my job = my mission = my purpose. So my saying, "I need a purpose to be in Japan" has completely fallible because I already have a purpose here which I could not fulfill anywhere else. I could not teach like this in any other international school anywhere else in the world without a full Teaching Certificate. I could not teach my students of the love of God and His word in any other school like this. I would not have this much freedom in teaching syllabuses, methodology and content.
I cannot stress enough that I do have a job that I love. I love that I don't have to deck up in smarts to work. I love that I can romp around the classroom. I love that I can be such a child. I love that I can see how much the kids grow. I love that I can teach the love of God. What is one more year of doing just that?
[2] And secondly, I have so easily forgotten my own good advice - that whatever longing we may hope to find in our partners, will never and I stress that again, never, be fulfilled 100% by any one other than God, in anywhere other than Heaven. Cliched? You bet. That longing is the very thing that was taken away when mankind fell from Eden. No man on earth will ever satisfy that longing.
No woman either. No girlfriend or bestfriend, or mate to keep you from loneliness in a foreign country. They're only there as a gift from God. The loneliness of a nomad - and we all are nomads someway or other - likewise falls into that same category of longing. I have been, no. I am so overwhelmed at the thought of being in Japan without Laura that it chokes me. So afraid that I will not find another good friend to eek out a life with in such a emotionally dry place that it paralyzes me.
But then, I must remember that no one will ever satisfy 100%, that longing, that loneliness for heart-to-heart communions. And I suppose should I choose to stay on, that living without a really tight friend can be my reminder no one will ever satisfy me completely anyway. Not another good friend, not Laura and not Chip either. And that could be good for me too.
These two things could be the very reason why I felt like I wanted to leave Japan and in that haste chose Thailand. The devil has ways to disillusion us. That I didn't have any reason to be in Japan. It wasn't enough that I have a good job with a good compensation, a great apartment near the beach and a good life - honestly, what more can anyone ask for now? Or that the prospect of not having a close friend in Japan is too daunting even to consider when in truth no friend close enough would ever fill that gap. Of course, it doesn't change that I'm going to be sad to lose one of my bestfriends.
Audio: -/-
Biblio: The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge.
Cerebrio: Oh, just about a million and one things. But may the peace of God transcend every one of those million and one things.
[1] I have let it slip me by completely that my job here, my work in AIS, is a purpose to be in Japan. In the busyness of the school year, I have so easily forgotten that my job = my mission = my purpose. So my saying, "I need a purpose to be in Japan" has completely fallible because I already have a purpose here which I could not fulfill anywhere else. I could not teach like this in any other international school anywhere else in the world without a full Teaching Certificate. I could not teach my students of the love of God and His word in any other school like this. I would not have this much freedom in teaching syllabuses, methodology and content.
I cannot stress enough that I do have a job that I love. I love that I don't have to deck up in smarts to work. I love that I can romp around the classroom. I love that I can be such a child. I love that I can see how much the kids grow. I love that I can teach the love of God. What is one more year of doing just that?
[2] And secondly, I have so easily forgotten my own good advice - that whatever longing we may hope to find in our partners, will never and I stress that again, never, be fulfilled 100% by any one other than God, in anywhere other than Heaven. Cliched? You bet. That longing is the very thing that was taken away when mankind fell from Eden. No man on earth will ever satisfy that longing.
No woman either. No girlfriend or bestfriend, or mate to keep you from loneliness in a foreign country. They're only there as a gift from God. The loneliness of a nomad - and we all are nomads someway or other - likewise falls into that same category of longing. I have been, no. I am so overwhelmed at the thought of being in Japan without Laura that it chokes me. So afraid that I will not find another good friend to eek out a life with in such a emotionally dry place that it paralyzes me.
But then, I must remember that no one will ever satisfy 100%, that longing, that loneliness for heart-to-heart communions. And I suppose should I choose to stay on, that living without a really tight friend can be my reminder no one will ever satisfy me completely anyway. Not another good friend, not Laura and not Chip either. And that could be good for me too.
These two things could be the very reason why I felt like I wanted to leave Japan and in that haste chose Thailand. The devil has ways to disillusion us. That I didn't have any reason to be in Japan. It wasn't enough that I have a good job with a good compensation, a great apartment near the beach and a good life - honestly, what more can anyone ask for now? Or that the prospect of not having a close friend in Japan is too daunting even to consider when in truth no friend close enough would ever fill that gap. Of course, it doesn't change that I'm going to be sad to lose one of my bestfriends.
Audio: -/-
Biblio: The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge.
Cerebrio: Oh, just about a million and one things. But may the peace of God transcend every one of those million and one things.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 1:27 am ::
1 Comments:
oh sis-in-japan, im so glad to hear that you might be following your heart. so many times you've given me advice to follow what i know and to follow my head, but for once i feel as if you are really doing what your heart tells you to do - yes in a worldly and in a godly way.
uncertainty does very much hang low in your decisions, but like you said, what is a year or half? do you really think i stayed in singapore for half a year longer for nothing? no, i stayed and applied for the local uni simply because i wanted a reason and i wanted a clear direction from God but more importantly i wanted to work at what me and Daniel had because our relationship was only in it's infant stage, i must honestly say that without the half a year longer that i stayed back, i dont think the relationship could have lasted this much adversity and difficulty. Not to say that uncertainty is out of the window, i constantly wonder and pray to the Lord that this is what he wants and that me and Dan are the final and there will be no more of those courting and trying periods with other people, but i would never know, but one thing i know is that yes, prayer and seeking God has indeed opened a new perspective in my life and i have never been more focused and reliant on HIM.
It's a leap of faith, but Ly, isn't it time you gave something up for the bigger picture than something temporal etc? Your exs are your exs and we can say that it wasnt ever meant to be, but i am also an advocate is getting off your butt and doing something a little more, and i should know where selfishness nad short sightedness has lead me. i love you Ly, you definatly have my support whichever where you end up at the end of the day.
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