Gaijin.Cerebrio: doctrina ergo eruditio



Sunday, February 19, 2006

LIKE MOVING TO A NEW COUNTRY

There has been a particular issue on my mind now for what seems like a long time. It's not a problem, its just an issue my mind keeps mulling over and chewing. I'll have it, chew on it, sit on it and let it go. Then it comes popping out in a few weeks time. It's happened about nine to ten times in the last four months. So, yes I am a bit tired of it. I don't know that this issue will go away for awhile. I can only see two routes that will bring my mind to an ease about it; either choice will still take some time in coming and for the life of me, I really don't know which of the two I'd rather though I would have thought I would want one way more.

Unfortunately, I cannot mention it here - mentioning it the way I am thinking about it, will very easily get misconstrued. Misconstrued from what is the thing since I haven't come up with my decided opinion on the matter.

In some ways, the rest of my life is on hold until a few things happen in March. So much for planning. I am mostly at ease about that yet I feel anticipation and excitement in the new chapter about to unfold. Yet, in other avenues, I feel I am being needlessly pressured. (See: Above). How I deal with this pressure is the new challenge for me. I've never had to seriously consider this pressure up close till recently. Mental note: Have to ask God for guidance in the matter of dealing with this pressure.

I have a confirmation on my flight back to Singapore. The cogs of the wheel are in motion. I have a confirmation on the interview in Singapore. One step toward the future outcome. I have been reminded about packing stuff home. It's really happening.

Flatmate: So how do you feel about moving back to Singapore?

Me: I never thought I'd say this - excited really.

Flatmate: Because of whose in Singapore?

Me: No, not really at all. I had already decided I was going to do this last year... It's exciting cause it feels I'm moving to a new country.

Flatmate: A new country... ?

Me: Yeah, a huge circle of my mates from there have left or will leave Singapore. And my circle of friends where I have been are global. Those that are still in Singapore have become different persons too and part of the reason I'm going back now is to get to know these "new" friends of mine in that way. So, while they are close and dear, I don't feel as if I have that same current of "friends" in there.

I have been away so long that I am totally a different person from when I left and I think I've been away long enough that, that different person is very me now. Since then, I haven't studied there in the way that I will, haven't lived with my parents, don't have friends from my adult life, don't have a set niche, "my place", in Singapore. So, in many ways I will have to start my life there from scratch. It's like that when you move to any new country, you start from scratch; where you will live, how you will live, what you will do, the culture you will see... That is the exciting thing about going to a new place isn't it?


Audio: Stars by Switchfoot.
Biblio: The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.
Cerebrio: The beautiful thing is that even though I'm going back, I feel I am going forward. I have never thought or felt that way about moving to Singapore before. I feel almost ready to move to there in a few months. It's almost time.

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