WHAT MAKES THE FUTURE
Recently, I've been mulling a lot about what makes the future; what makes the future work? How does anyone make their future work out?
I believe in God and I believe it really is Him that does the making of things to work out. Or do I? Cause sometimes I cast my eye to as far as I can imagine, what I want to imagine, and while what I hope for is good (who hopes for something bad?), I cannot see how I am ever going to get there. In fact when I imagine what I hope for, I despair in how I would get there.
Then I plot how I would endeavour to get there; what I would have to do, how I would have to do it, what sort of compromises I would have to make to see my hope to the end. Then I look at all the steps I might take and wonder if I really want to take those steps. Maybe I don't. So, maybe what I was hoping for isn't really want I want. Afterall, you only get to a destination as result of the choices you choose to make.
It's like running in a labyrinth but all the turns you could take, only lead you to a dead-end. So you keep running into that no-win situation. How does one not despair at knowing you are destined to fail? How do you keep the faith, keep running through it hoping to get somewhere in all this, while knowing that you have no idea the route and that all the efforts you could make to choose would only take you to a dead-end?
All sorts of things serve to stumble me. A friend of mine recently commented that amongst other things that, "the world, Satan, is quite definitely against marriage". Marriage, relationships, you name it, anything that could be of value to us. Face it. The odds are completely stacked against us. Completely and utterly. Just about anything, could be used to set off a curve ball straight into your life. And you won't even see it coming cause your eyes are all out busy looking everywhere trying to keep your life at balance, your dream job, your dream marriage, your dream home, your dream kids. Don't you see how hard it is to get anywhere at all in life? So, why would you even try?
With what's left of it, you have to ask yourself, "is this it or is there something better?" Yes, cause if this is it then you might as well eat, drink and be merry! Stop, slow down and smell the roses and while you're there, have some company you enjoy. Unless of course, doing just that is part of your desired outcome that you're trying to figure out. You're trying to figure out life and what you want to do and where you want to go. You realize the future's bleak so you decide to take a walk. While you're there, you want to find some company to smell the roses with and talk about how pretty they are. You want some company but don't know who to take with you and whom would want to come along. You find a few whom you think will do, but then a few steps into the walk and you're wondering if this is how you want to walk and whom you want to talk to. Doesn't look like the company talks or walks the same way! What can I do to walk and talk the way I want to? What do I have to do to get that? And what about those roses? Wasn't that the point anyway?! Where are they?! Why am I looking at the company and not the roses?! Then its like Alice in Wonderland falling down the stairs.
Travel long and far enough with those thoughts and you'll see that it is a downward spiral. And I am just falling down and down and down, faster and faster and faster. In fact, all I can do is freefall. I am twenty-six years old and I have no idea how the future works and how I can work anything for the good of me. No idea. You know how useless and helpless that makes me feel? Yea, God loves a broken and contrite heart...
Yet I am to believe that the Lord, "knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future." But just like Thomas, I have to ask, "Lord, I don't know where you are taking me, so how can I know the way?"
The Way? Let's cut the church-talk there and let me say it, "How am I supposed to walk this christian life with all the things we are supposed to do like love your God and love your neighbour when I don't even know can't even do one thing OR the other?" Pare it down the the lowest possibility and I still don't know how to do it right. In fact all I know how to do is to ask. So, Jesus is the way, huh? Ask him for anything in his name, and he will do it. The odds are completely and utterly stacked against me and I am completely and utterly dependent on Him to make things work out?
Oh God.
I believe in God and I believe it really is Him that does the making of things to work out. Or do I? Cause sometimes I cast my eye to as far as I can imagine, what I want to imagine, and while what I hope for is good (who hopes for something bad?), I cannot see how I am ever going to get there. In fact when I imagine what I hope for, I despair in how I would get there.
Then I plot how I would endeavour to get there; what I would have to do, how I would have to do it, what sort of compromises I would have to make to see my hope to the end. Then I look at all the steps I might take and wonder if I really want to take those steps. Maybe I don't. So, maybe what I was hoping for isn't really want I want. Afterall, you only get to a destination as result of the choices you choose to make.
It's like running in a labyrinth but all the turns you could take, only lead you to a dead-end. So you keep running into that no-win situation. How does one not despair at knowing you are destined to fail? How do you keep the faith, keep running through it hoping to get somewhere in all this, while knowing that you have no idea the route and that all the efforts you could make to choose would only take you to a dead-end?
All sorts of things serve to stumble me. A friend of mine recently commented that amongst other things that, "the world, Satan, is quite definitely against marriage". Marriage, relationships, you name it, anything that could be of value to us. Face it. The odds are completely stacked against us. Completely and utterly. Just about anything, could be used to set off a curve ball straight into your life. And you won't even see it coming cause your eyes are all out busy looking everywhere trying to keep your life at balance, your dream job, your dream marriage, your dream home, your dream kids. Don't you see how hard it is to get anywhere at all in life? So, why would you even try?
With what's left of it, you have to ask yourself, "is this it or is there something better?" Yes, cause if this is it then you might as well eat, drink and be merry! Stop, slow down and smell the roses and while you're there, have some company you enjoy. Unless of course, doing just that is part of your desired outcome that you're trying to figure out. You're trying to figure out life and what you want to do and where you want to go. You realize the future's bleak so you decide to take a walk. While you're there, you want to find some company to smell the roses with and talk about how pretty they are. You want some company but don't know who to take with you and whom would want to come along. You find a few whom you think will do, but then a few steps into the walk and you're wondering if this is how you want to walk and whom you want to talk to. Doesn't look like the company talks or walks the same way! What can I do to walk and talk the way I want to? What do I have to do to get that? And what about those roses? Wasn't that the point anyway?! Where are they?! Why am I looking at the company and not the roses?! Then its like Alice in Wonderland falling down the stairs.
Travel long and far enough with those thoughts and you'll see that it is a downward spiral. And I am just falling down and down and down, faster and faster and faster. In fact, all I can do is freefall. I am twenty-six years old and I have no idea how the future works and how I can work anything for the good of me. No idea. You know how useless and helpless that makes me feel? Yea, God loves a broken and contrite heart...
Yet I am to believe that the Lord, "knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future." But just like Thomas, I have to ask, "Lord, I don't know where you are taking me, so how can I know the way?"
The Way? Let's cut the church-talk there and let me say it, "How am I supposed to walk this christian life with all the things we are supposed to do like love your God and love your neighbour when I don't even know can't even do one thing OR the other?" Pare it down the the lowest possibility and I still don't know how to do it right. In fact all I know how to do is to ask. So, Jesus is the way, huh? Ask him for anything in his name, and he will do it. The odds are completely and utterly stacked against me and I am completely and utterly dependent on Him to make things work out?
Oh God.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 9:41 pm ::
3 Comments:
i think that thomas conversation with J-rock is significant in that when he says "how can i know where we are going if i don't know the way?" jesus answers.."i am the way" (you know me, so you do know the way) but doesnt actually answer the question of "where we are going"...for the most part, we cannot comprehend the future or our paths anymore than an infant knows or could be explained what is ahead on its first car-trip to visit grandma, but because the child knows the parent and the parents love, the destination is bound to be sweet when going with them...im stoked, lets go!
can i say that again... OH GOD (!)
i didn't know you started blogging again. I'd have to play catch-up with your entries now.
SH
Ooh, welcome back from the twilight zone...
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