WOMAN IN WAITING

This evening I felt like I was a woman in waiting - waiting for men. A woman whose life is on hold for the men to do something. And it wasn't as if I meant to wait. I thought I had my evening planned out, in fact I was triple-booked.

But, none of the three happened for me. Andy had to bail out of dinner 15 minutes before our appointed meeting time, after I had arrived at our destination 15 minutes early. Unfortunately, he's still at the office and looks to be there till early tomorrow morning.

Evenings like this, I wonder why I let this happen to myself. I wonder why I plan for things, look forward for things to pan out and set myself for disappointment and regret when nothing does happen. I wonder why I let other people do this to me. Specifically, why I would do this for the people I care about or why I would let them do it to me?

I wonder then if I've lost control of something in my life - like, some aspect of it, like my use of time and its return is at the mercy of someone elses' schedule. Should I try to take it back, maintain of its previous glory? Is this why people keep themselves so busy (in Singapore, in general), with no time for anyone else to 'waste' the time similarly or determine their returns on time spent on things?

I thought today was going to be a relationally fruitful day - a good day, and that kept my mood up through the day and gave me something to look forward to too. But if I take all this into consideration, its been quite a poor use of a day; I have nothing to show for it.

Bummer.