I CONFESS TO BLIND ELITISM

I am my own enemy. I was just lamenting to some girlfriends yesterday about a breed of persons, the "smug marrieds" who are part of a larger subset of culture which have grown up so well catered for (just less than a silver spoon) that they have a blind confidence that comes off as cocky. Part of me wondered if it was because I was envious of what they got that I didn't and that was unfair or because I just "knew better".

Today, I said something really dumb and very revealing about myself in one of my classes.

"Only 20-30% of Singapore's population that are graduates"

"Then why does it seem like there are so many graduates?"

"Because that's the make-up of the social group you mix in."

I'm such an elitist and I am so blind to it. And here I was priding myself in working hard to become "local" here. The thing is, as much as I may have grown to dislike this subset of people, the reality is that I know them because I know them. I am part of that social group; I was brought up within that class. I am them.

To become "local" was some sort of noble goal to meet the average man on the street and learn stuff from him about his views on life and culture and living in Singapore - the way I would in Australia and Japan. Somehow, its easier to do it there than here. Why? Honestly, finding that here is a very uncomfortable place to put myself and perhaps that explains why I don't really know where I fit in anymore.

I grew up in that middle-class subset in this country, lived and breathed the very average life in other countries and learnt a lot in that difference and now, I can't find my place in either group back here. But it still doesn't excuse that elitist comfort zone I nest in.