A RANDOM ENTRY

Sometime last year, I had a falling out with an old friend. It was one of those that eventually had to happen on the basis of our friendship.

About 10 years ago, I met G through a strange series of events; random friendships that led to more random friends. Random friendship are precious, you don't take them for granted as much as those friendships borne out of circumstances, like work. Random friendships are like little jewels you do not plan to find, and when you find them you realize that they weren't neccessarily meant to happen unless there was something really special about them. And you also remember that unlike circumstantial-born relationships, these random friendships really take conscious effort to grow and deepen. Some of my best friends are randoms.

Back to G. What started as a good friendship based on a love of movies and skipping classes slowly became something of an unrequited love. Because we were such good friends, it was incredibly difficult for me to move the friendship into the 'danger zone' even though we thought it was what we wanted. And in the haste and folly of an evening, somehow we agreed to get married if we were still single at 30. We'd try and then it would not work so we'd go back to being friends. He told me later that 30 was the age indication for him, not me, because I was 3 years younger. Then a few years later, we'd try again and it would not work so we'd go back to being friends. There was always something, him being away for study, then me, then him being away for work, then me. This went on till last year.

So at 25, he thought we should try again. Not unlike previous attempts, we could not get this off to a start because I felt it would not be in the best interest of the work I do in Japan for the church to have half my heart somewhere else in the world. It was hard enough to go back, even harder if I had to leave someone behind. So, we left it at that and back I went to Japan...

Of course, through the course of that very summer I met someone who didn't at that time require my heart in the same place. And, in the course of the year that followed, we did end up in a relationship that continues to this day. Of course it wasn't with G. And when G found out he was quite upset at me. He was under the impression that we were on 'hold' till we were both in the same country especially since that year would be when he turned 30.

I can understand why he is upset. I'm sorry I lost a good friend like that. I don't know whose fault it was, but I do know there are are many reasons why, like my need to find someone who has the world as a mission field on his heart. In my head, its still very unlikely that I'll live in one place for the rest of my life.

But a few days ago, I had a dream in which G turned up. I was at a friend's house, H. and in this dream, G was H's brother which I found out in the dream (this isn't true in reality). I remember being aghast at myself, "oh what will happen if she finds out that I may not have been so loving to her brother?" and so throughout the dream, I hid myself from G.

But she had another brother... I don't know his name but gosh, I definitely wanted to meet him. Of course, trying to maintain a conversation with one person, hiding from another and getting to know yet another is not an easy thing to do. I don't remember what I did for the rest of the dream but I remember feeling pretty bummed about how things turned out with G and really sorry it ended badly.

I woke up in the morning thinking about it and realized I turned 27 last year and in what relation it would have been had things turned out differently...