ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER

As I sat in the auditorium this morning, waiting for the roll t o call my name so I could walk up to get my scroll, I deliberated a little longer on a brief thought that crossed my mind.

"Oh my goodness, I have yet another piece of paper". I found myself gloating on how much I had achieved and with what ease it had come to me. I looked through the roll call and realized that a few names in my class were spread through the different types of recognition given and then I caught myself thinking, "it came so easy, I should've put in more effort so I might be higher up the honour list". I thought about all I had achieved in the last year, if the effort was worth it and what I did with the rest of my life in the past year (but only so briefly).

I'm not sure that I have very much to show for the remaining energies that I had spent last year. I have a few friends more - at least made one new friend a month so I think I am not so stagnant - but I don't have tangible results. I cannot say how I have been a positive influence on those lives that i have had an opportunity to cross with.

And then I heaved a sigh because I once again caught myself thinking in such worldly terms. In one of those brief moments, I actually thought I ought to pursue an even higher degree. I was considering what I have done in comparison with others as opposed to recognizing and reminding myself why I did it in the first place.

There was an article in the papers a few days ago, reporting how even in the first world countries, many people were over-qualified. How can I be overqualified if my peers and superiors keep talking about this incessant paper chase? I guess, if this comfortable society is all that I will live for then perhaps I may still reserve potential for even further qualifications.

I felt in Japan, Thailand, Myanmar, Indonesia, that I had little to offer them from my years of studies and what I could and what was most useful had little to do with what I had spent years pursuing. Even now, teaching, when I encounter a recalcitrant child, I still find myself at a loss for the words to tell about the things that really matter, about the values that are most important to us in life and about loving and hurting others. I know these, but I lack the words for them and sometimes, even the actions to accompany them. I remember having breakfast in Living Waters Mission and looking out to see the men mixing cement so that they could get to work to building new houses for the children and thinking to myself, "even if I had the strength, nothing I know would enable me to mix cement". I can get myself a Masters in Curriculum Planning but that would make little difference to what I could offer if I went now with what I knew and simply offered them my willingness.

I don't need higher qualifications, I really need to know people better, how I can get to a place to understand their worldview. I was sharing with a friend over lunch how I have learnt so much, I can go into the classroom with facts and knowledge - some of them the kids already know and then my role is simply to direct their energies - but have little to teach.