The Questions that I'm asking 3 weeks to the wedding
The lack of blog entries has to do with maintaining some semblance of privacy as my life becomes shared with those I teach, it has to do with busy-ness which is a terrible excuse and has quite little to do with how much I am reflecting.
Well, here we are, if this entry was a part of regular intervals, the next time I write I would become Mrs. Low.
I initially started blogging in 1995 - I can't remember why. It eventually tapered to a purposeless natural death even through moving countries. Then it resurrected before I left Sydney to Japan because I thought it was time for those 'in-between' years where the most life change occurs, to be put down for posterity.
I've been wondering how fast things change; how Andy and I got to the place where we are now about to be married; how I got to the place where lifestyle choices I made are but memories in this new place I live in; how I always remember those habits so freshly that I want to do them again but one year into moving here I still haven't. And, in all honesty, if I haven't made decisions to do them so far, I probably won't fine the opportunity to do them pretty soon. And if this keeps happening those memories will fade so fast.... It seems Sydney was like 2 or 3 lifetimes ago.
I was also thinking about friendships and relationships. I've always been a goal oriented person. Sometime ago, I realized how goal oriented it was and how it didn't always help in building relationships which was a more associative thing to do. So, I decided I would pursue associative endeavors, invest in building deeper relationships. I'd say I've been doing this for at least 5 years now. I got to the place where I realized pursuits of tangible goals left little tangible reward at the end of the day and I was convinced the place to invest time (and money) was into relationships which were intangible and made intangible differences.
I'm beginning to think if this is an incorrect assumption because, I'm getting married in 3 weeks. Of the friendships and relationships I've taken the time to build, only 2-3 of them will be represented to witness our wedding. In an invite list of 350+, my friends number 50 and even less of those will be present. And only a few of those that are represent the friendships and relationships I've intentionally put in effort to develop and deepen. I'm not sure what it the conclusion I should now assume.
I believe that there are three general categories of friends. The acquaintances of which you meet to bless or be blessed that come and go. The immediate friends of which you have a symbiotic relationship of need and those on the long-haul who have been there forever and ever. All of them require similar investment into.
Another way to categorize friends are the upflow and downflow of need and blessing. A category of friends whom you go to especially when you're in need and those whom you make yourself available to bless when they are in need. We need both. Over the years, my upflow friends have moved on in their chapters of life. Moved from needing one another to perhaps just needing their other halves. Moved from giving to you to giving to additions in their family. So that you find yourself in this middle place, now with a certain responsibility to be helping others the same way they once helped you.
I wonder what will change the other side of marriage - will I join the up-flow friends who 'moved on' into another phase of life? Do I have to leave behind some down-flow friends and let them be challenged to grow on their own the same way I've had to? Do I consider the friendships as symbiotic or take them with me beyond marriage into long-haul? Will the relationships I have invested in really carry through the other side of the 24th of November? Or should it be my prerogative to build this incredibly new and significant relationship I gain? Will the other side of courtship give us the opportunity to exercise the lifestyle choices we once made? Will we finally get some peace from planning the wedding and building our new home? Or, when that finally happens, will we find our current memories a distant past just like Sydney and Japan?
Well, here we are, if this entry was a part of regular intervals, the next time I write I would become Mrs. Low.
I initially started blogging in 1995 - I can't remember why. It eventually tapered to a purposeless natural death even through moving countries. Then it resurrected before I left Sydney to Japan because I thought it was time for those 'in-between' years where the most life change occurs, to be put down for posterity.
I've been wondering how fast things change; how Andy and I got to the place where we are now about to be married; how I got to the place where lifestyle choices I made are but memories in this new place I live in; how I always remember those habits so freshly that I want to do them again but one year into moving here I still haven't. And, in all honesty, if I haven't made decisions to do them so far, I probably won't fine the opportunity to do them pretty soon. And if this keeps happening those memories will fade so fast.... It seems Sydney was like 2 or 3 lifetimes ago.
I was also thinking about friendships and relationships. I've always been a goal oriented person. Sometime ago, I realized how goal oriented it was and how it didn't always help in building relationships which was a more associative thing to do. So, I decided I would pursue associative endeavors, invest in building deeper relationships. I'd say I've been doing this for at least 5 years now. I got to the place where I realized pursuits of tangible goals left little tangible reward at the end of the day and I was convinced the place to invest time (and money) was into relationships which were intangible and made intangible differences.
I'm beginning to think if this is an incorrect assumption because, I'm getting married in 3 weeks. Of the friendships and relationships I've taken the time to build, only 2-3 of them will be represented to witness our wedding. In an invite list of 350+, my friends number 50 and even less of those will be present. And only a few of those that are represent the friendships and relationships I've intentionally put in effort to develop and deepen. I'm not sure what it the conclusion I should now assume.
I believe that there are three general categories of friends. The acquaintances of which you meet to bless or be blessed that come and go. The immediate friends of which you have a symbiotic relationship of need and those on the long-haul who have been there forever and ever. All of them require similar investment into.
Another way to categorize friends are the upflow and downflow of need and blessing. A category of friends whom you go to especially when you're in need and those whom you make yourself available to bless when they are in need. We need both. Over the years, my upflow friends have moved on in their chapters of life. Moved from needing one another to perhaps just needing their other halves. Moved from giving to you to giving to additions in their family. So that you find yourself in this middle place, now with a certain responsibility to be helping others the same way they once helped you.
I wonder what will change the other side of marriage - will I join the up-flow friends who 'moved on' into another phase of life? Do I have to leave behind some down-flow friends and let them be challenged to grow on their own the same way I've had to? Do I consider the friendships as symbiotic or take them with me beyond marriage into long-haul? Will the relationships I have invested in really carry through the other side of the 24th of November? Or should it be my prerogative to build this incredibly new and significant relationship I gain? Will the other side of courtship give us the opportunity to exercise the lifestyle choices we once made? Will we finally get some peace from planning the wedding and building our new home? Or, when that finally happens, will we find our current memories a distant past just like Sydney and Japan?
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 2:37 am ::
3 Comments:
i actually believe you'll be one of those couples who actually enjoy investing in relationships with other people -- singles and otherwise -- and not get sucked into the insular married life.
am looking forward hanging out with AndyLy / LyAnndy :)
Thanks!, that is certainly very encouraging for us.
I had in mind the little excursion to Ice Creamery on Thursday after rehearsals as a possibility of outcomes; I would've wanted to go have ice-cream but A & I had to do responsible grown-up stuff for the wedding!
many good questions.
Post a Comment
<< Home