The Smug Married

I better write this while its still fresh and counts for something. But before I get started ranting I better say something about writing about Husbandry 101. I actually thought I might either rewrite the site or set up a new one and call it that - to journal this life-course of course.

But then, I have issues with writing about acquiring a husband and being married. I have little words to describe how I feel when I read another blog on a gal's husband or her fair skin bub. They are like a glazy, distant world to me, something I have found hard to relate to and perhaps so will the single reader. What makes these people write about their newly married life and why I would want to read it? After two or three blogs, they all have the same subliminal message: life is good.

The bad bits I suppose are the ones that can categorized under 'Private' and the rest of the world, has one less useful lesson we can learn from someone elses' mistake. These issues are sensitive ones, they're private pains (or joys) and hence not for public consumption. So, who can fault them?

Since a blog is generally about on-goings of one's life and not much else, there is not much else but to write about being a newly married person. I cringe when I think that is what I will write about. Maybe because I don't like the idea that it has now become all of my life. And yet, it has to be my life. Like God's presence in my life, it cannot just be 1/3 of my life pie chart, it has to be the centre from which all else stems from.

My second issue about writing Husbandry101 is that I'll end up sounding like life is good. I know married life is not all good, we've all been told that but we hardly see it. We always end up seeing the glamourous bits of it. And psychology has taught us that we are visual learners first.

I must say, much of what the observations has been Andy's while I have just been thinking them. He's noticed the difference in how we are treated now that we are married. Let's start with the married folk. I can't tolerate smug marrieds. The whole notion that life's solution lay in getting married just bugged me to the bones. I'm sure it was great for them but you don't have to get into everyone's face and tell them how good life is now that they are married. Or for that matter say to A, "How's married life? Good, eh??" Like, life was not good before for him? As Andy recalls, life was pretty good before marriage; a girl, a job, a hobby... what else could life want for more? If anything, marriage brings on more....

Married life isn't bad, but it isn't all that great either - its just a different phase of life and while we're new at it, its exciting but all things adventurous and exciting always have had that aspect of adrenalin and fear, just like rock-climbing for example. And you don't get the good high till you're actually done climbing.

So, A's been noticing how we are being 'initiated' into the flock. Oh shudder, when they find out I'll be dragged in kicking and screaming. Smug marrieds are smiling and nice to everyone - who is married.

Mrs Bright Smile, "You guys have a great week, okay? See ya next weekend!"
Poor Tired & Sweaty Single, "Seeya next week. Hmpf."

Somehow Poor Tired & Sweaty Single seems to have a better grasp of reality - what good week? We have to go back to work monday and its the festive season!

Oh yea, and the sick joke from the married men, "You look tired. Wife been keeping you up?" You didn't notice that he was tired before and worse still you didn't notice till he was married.

Also interesting is the household stereotype which this festive season give opportunity to. Last year, it was "why don't you bring drinks?". This year "You and Andy can bring some roast meats. I have a knife carver and I'm good with it". How do I even begin to deconstruct the implied?

I am incapable of cooking until married... which is utter bullocks. I actually like to cook, I think I do quite well and cook for a home party every week in Japan.

Now that you're married, you can bring the main dishes that count. "Wow, your roast lamb was great! It must have been such hard work." Ever heard someone say, "Wow, the coke you brought was a killer! How did you do it?!" Why do the singles always get delegated the drinks? I think this year, I will bring drinks.

Only married men are practiced in carving meat because now they have a 'family' to hunt and gather for. Who cared about the poor single men who didn't have to work and just sat around all day. They didn't have to hunt and gather, what would they know about hacking ham?

I don't know why it is, but it is. I had great fun last year taking the piss out of the Smug Marrieds at Christmas. They didn't know quite what to do with me, "yes, I haven't had a 'real' job' so far... mostly fun things...little do they know...", "I'm still in school - i don't work", "This years bonus? Oh, I gave that away - I don't have the pleasure the excuse to save for my kids or anything".

One of the things that riled me last year was a get-together that a newly married organized for all the peeps that helped at the wedding. Everyone was married except me and another gal. Everyone was busy admiring the house, but we didn't know what to do about it. Maybe cause my dad's in the profession so I don't give a hoot or perhaps more likely, i just don't give a hoot where they bought their white Grohe sanitary finishings. Sorry, I can't help you there, I only know where to buy awesome-designed-white-macs.

My single friend and I laughed so hard when we shared that our christmas wish list last year wasn't the latest swanky electrolux washing machine and she was only interested in buying heels not a home. Well, despite having to set up a new home next year, this years wish list is for an iPhone (which I know I can't get for Christmas, but I will accept belated gifts when they do arrive in 2008). I will give up a dishwasher for that anytime. Our house will get done, and I'm sure it'll be the kind of place I wanna hang out in, but don't expect me to rattle off things about my new home when it comes. I'm only interested how much I'll get to share it with others - not lock it up so it doesn't get dirty.