*Warning: Whinge-fest ahead*
After living here for 2 years, I've finally come to this point.
I'm sick and tired of trying to do what I need to do (work) and be who I need to be (daughter, wife, mate etc.) and be in high spirits and ever enthusiastic. It's just come to a head. There was a time I had the Time to be all that but that is just not here.
One day. Just one day. I decide not to answer calls on my mobile for 4 hours and I get a total blasting for something as minor as not returning calls or text messages.
Since when were text messages so much more important than a pleasant conversation? Since when was that exchange worth a shouting match?
There is nothing more to say other than I am resigned.
YET,
there are things I know that should be done. I wonder - and yet, its no wonder, why I have become more short-tempered. I wondered if it was an occupational hazard, if it was the general vibe of people around me. That part, I really don't like about myself now. I don't know what has happened to time I had to take time for things to come and let que sera be que sera. Now it has to be THIS way or the highway.
With patience, I think also should be more polite and less demanding, less curt toward others - especially my parents. I remember thinking too long ago when I first returned that I noticed the brashness about others and thinking how I had the opportunity that comes with social adjustment, to be more polite to them. But lately, all I seem to be doing is losing my cool and raising my voice.
What's most frustrating is that I don't know how to turn back time or to bring it forward. I'm at a lost of how to find it in myself to take it easy the way I want to.
What happened to the person I became in Japan? Where did she go?
I'm sick and tired of trying to do what I need to do (work) and be who I need to be (daughter, wife, mate etc.) and be in high spirits and ever enthusiastic. It's just come to a head. There was a time I had the Time to be all that but that is just not here.
One day. Just one day. I decide not to answer calls on my mobile for 4 hours and I get a total blasting for something as minor as not returning calls or text messages.
Since when were text messages so much more important than a pleasant conversation? Since when was that exchange worth a shouting match?
There is nothing more to say other than I am resigned.
YET,
there are things I know that should be done. I wonder - and yet, its no wonder, why I have become more short-tempered. I wondered if it was an occupational hazard, if it was the general vibe of people around me. That part, I really don't like about myself now. I don't know what has happened to time I had to take time for things to come and let que sera be que sera. Now it has to be THIS way or the highway.
With patience, I think also should be more polite and less demanding, less curt toward others - especially my parents. I remember thinking too long ago when I first returned that I noticed the brashness about others and thinking how I had the opportunity that comes with social adjustment, to be more polite to them. But lately, all I seem to be doing is losing my cool and raising my voice.
What's most frustrating is that I don't know how to turn back time or to bring it forward. I'm at a lost of how to find it in myself to take it easy the way I want to.
What happened to the person I became in Japan? Where did she go?
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 7:57 am ::
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