I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT WORK
So, I have been missing and by no excuse because of work. I really dread becoming a lamenting lemming blaming and bitching on work. So, I won't write about how it feels to be in The System. Suffice to say that I got a 0 for Compliance on my DISC test.
I was reflecting some bit about what I've accomplished with my time here... Back in Japan (and in Australia), I was quite satisfied with all the things I did and accomplished, it made me feel it was worthwhile to be there and that I made more than full use of the time I was afforded. Beyond the average. I guess a lot of that satisfaction came from giving to the community and people. Instead of using my time by simply 'taking'. I got more from giving.
But its such an easy trap to fall into, making full use of the opportunities that come by through validating how much one can take and receive and internalize. I've realized that I'm falling into the trap too. I've been at school, learning new ideas, pedagogies and theories, I've made new friends and I re-established old ones. I validate the last couple of months I've moved back to Singapore by what I've done (for myself) because I've not done much else for others except building relationships.
That is not to say that relationship building is unimportant but that I don't know how much difference I've really made to others. I tell myself not to get too involved (I said this same thing in Japan...) not to get too drained because I have a lot on my plate this year and that I'll need all the energy I can muster to make it through. And so, I just take, take and take because I think "I don't have anything to give".
I think its about time I started returning something to the community (above and beyond what I can do at work - and what can I do at work. Really.) but one wonders how much I can do about that this season. I know I need other avenues beyond work but I keep hearing myself say I need to put more into work so I can be good at it and I haven't heard myself say what I can do for others for quite awhile...
It's always about me.
I was reflecting some bit about what I've accomplished with my time here... Back in Japan (and in Australia), I was quite satisfied with all the things I did and accomplished, it made me feel it was worthwhile to be there and that I made more than full use of the time I was afforded. Beyond the average. I guess a lot of that satisfaction came from giving to the community and people. Instead of using my time by simply 'taking'. I got more from giving.
But its such an easy trap to fall into, making full use of the opportunities that come by through validating how much one can take and receive and internalize. I've realized that I'm falling into the trap too. I've been at school, learning new ideas, pedagogies and theories, I've made new friends and I re-established old ones. I validate the last couple of months I've moved back to Singapore by what I've done (for myself) because I've not done much else for others except building relationships.
That is not to say that relationship building is unimportant but that I don't know how much difference I've really made to others. I tell myself not to get too involved (I said this same thing in Japan...) not to get too drained because I have a lot on my plate this year and that I'll need all the energy I can muster to make it through. And so, I just take, take and take because I think "I don't have anything to give".
I think its about time I started returning something to the community (above and beyond what I can do at work - and what can I do at work. Really.) but one wonders how much I can do about that this season. I know I need other avenues beyond work but I keep hearing myself say I need to put more into work so I can be good at it and I haven't heard myself say what I can do for others for quite awhile...
It's always about me.
posted by The Chilibuddy @ 7:25 pm ::
1 Comments:
sometimes i think that building relationships is the only thing that has ever changed the world for the better...i would be in a very different place without your friendship and inspiration, especially in my first year here, it was integral to my growth and adaptation...rock on, sistah.
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