GREEN LIGHTS AHEAD

I saw a colleague on his blogger and it reminded me to update mine. Since the last time I wrote, Andy and I signed to buy our first home. As most first homes, it is far from where we want to be but it is affordable. In fact, nothing makes me more proud about the house than the fact that we are taking such a minimal loan, almost unheard of in Singapore.

You see, we will own our apartment in less than three years. To own any property in Singapore is a hard-sought affair. But thanks to Andy’s hard work and patience… we will be debt-free and mission-ready by the time my tenure at this school is over. Hallelujah!

We are a 5 -10 minute stroll to romantic walks after dinner at the park and reservoir and 15 minutes to the expressway into the city. The previous owners did a great job of upkeep so we have minimal renovations to do. And I do love the layout with full-length living windows looking out to tree-top levels.

We got it at a good price really…. And it will be ours right after the wedding. Speaking of which, I got my leave approved and its all green lights for Andy to go ahead to book our honeymoon to a surprise destination!

EMBRACING THE TEACHING PROFESSION

Well, here we are, the last weekend - for the next three years at least - that will not be at the mercy of teaching proper.

The last couple of mornings this week have been spent perusing for materials online that I hope to add to my teaching resources. Anything to relieve the stress I expect to face in the near future. My efforts so far have been bleak. Oh well. I'll start on lesson plans later.

It dawned on me as I was reading a teacher's blog on teaching Hyperbole in class, that I will be a teacher soon. In the fullest sense of the word, that it will soon be a label that I wear as a second-skin. There will be no "student-" attached as a prefix to the label, as in student-teacher. Just, Teacher. I don't think I have quite comprehensively embraced that I identity yet. Worn like clothing but not quite skin. Not for long though.

I look back at my posts related to teaching - I don't really say much about teaching, just some about the kids and people I meet. And there is a reason for that - because I am not just a teacher, there is more to be than that job. But perhaps I wonder if it is time for me to identify myself the profession and the responsibilities and stories that come with the turf. It won't be the only piece of clothing to become my skin, it will probably morph with the other identities I have become like christian worker, tentmaker.

And just as I take great pride in reflecting on the work I used to do in Japan as a christian worker, church-planter, so I think I should similarly take pride in the work I do as a teacher and not try to shrug it off so "I won't be identified with (stereotypical) teachers".

My gripe with the teaching community here? Teachers as a community seem to be a whiny lot, both to the insiders and to the outsiders. There is never a dearth of complaints to be heard, we are always hearing how they are overworked, underpaid and under-recognized. All true. :-)

But I also hail from the scientific community. And if the real reason be known, I was completely put-off that scientist are over-worked and pressured in an industry where there is similarly little recognition and reward for the toilsome labours of the little people. It is not unheard of for them to return to their lonesome laboratries at three in the morning to continue with their experiments which have to show results yesterday so that they can make journal publishing before the next other competitive lab across beats them to it. You could easily spend a year or two in research and then have nothing to show for your hardwork if somebody make public their findings before you. I decided then I could not bring myself to sweat over something I may never have anything to show for. And mind you, if you have nothing to show for it, you have no funding, no moolah.

I don't think teachers are in a worse position than this. It's really not that bad if we stopped comparing ourselves. My only anxiousness is that the demands will consume my time away from the things I want as important; friends, relationships, God and Kingdom-building.

So here we are, at a new threshold. Hi World, I am a middle-school Language Arts Teacher in Singapore. :-) I teach 12-13 year olds, English and to the 15-16 year olds, Literature.

When I left 10 years ago, I was a big techie - I still am - and one of the gadgets I always had with me was my Palm Pilot. It just could do so much for me then. When I moved, life somehow got simpler and simpler (and I still believer that is the way go...) and eventually, there was no need for an organizer.

Now that I have moved here, things have got more complicated. There are demands on my person from everywhere and I do feel the pressure. I have resisted buying into major technologies for a year but now that a full load of work is upon me, the neccessities of wedding/marriage planning and most importantly prioritising time for relationships require some time management.

I wouldn't think about buying this except for a new policy at work that allows purchases under the "Learning & Development Scheme" of up to $400 a year! Its not cash in hand, but it good. It's a nice new perk to have that I am entitled to and I am thinking of ways I could use the perk to bless others. I needed to spend some time with a friend and it was nice to also be able to claim my bill for Midsummers Night Dream In The Park from the fund. I am very tempted to foot the newspaper and internet subscriptions on my bill too so that way others around me could benefit from my topline blessing.

But the real reason I write is because I am getting this on auction. So, instead of $548, I'm might be paying $300 for it instead. Hoorah! Wi-fi Portability for cheap!

Maybe its going for cheap cause the support for the OS is dying...

Out and In

Lots to thank God for

... for seeing me through the last three months at Ghetto Secondary School all the training I have had and the supporting staff that have helped me.

... for my posting to Fairfield Methodist Secondary School. It is as good as it will be bad and that is a good thing saying that in the end you have to make the most of what you've got.

... for great fellowship with Trace who reminded me with the sparkle in her eye about the passion for pursuing a reflection of Jesus in our lives.

Where will my strength come from?

The last time I wrote, I mentioned about the infringements that go in the school I teach...

Here's the latest dose that totally and utter did it for me. For the first time, I wondered if I got into the right profession. Is teaching really the best way to reach out to these kids?

... a fifteen-year old boy walks up to a teacher and asks her

"Hey, Miss! What colour is your bra?"

In the disciplinary room, he complete denies it...

... It's administration & filing time at school. All the kids have to make sure they have their task sheets up to date and ready for 'audit'. Some kids are missing work because they have left it strewn on the floor (worse yet, possibly aimed if for the bin - totally plausible). So boy raps violently on the door and when answered, asks,

"Hey! Can I have the papers - and hurry up with it!"...

... In a class test, a boy is reading a section of the newspaper as the test is in session. His legs are cross and is leaning back - looking like he would be more comfortable in a cafe. When addressed, he completely ignores the warning until the newspaper is confiscated. As I put it on my desk, he goes and takes another section to read. ZERO.

... Later in a class assignment, I rove around the classroom to make sure they are on task. When I see him - the same boy from the above infringment - he takes his tasksheet and tears it into bits in slow-motion in front of me. Perhaps to prove a point, from not having got the reaction he was look for in the spelling test?

... This might not seem so uncommon but ... thinking that I do not understand any chinese, boy initially tries to ask questions in mandarin to tease. Of course, I understand them enough but play dumb in an attempt to deflect, defuse and re-focus him on his work. Upset, he begins swearing at me and using vulgarities directed to my "mother" - alot like "ya mama" insults.

That day, the class apparently set the record for making not one, not two, but THREE teachers completely lose it. And I'm referring to veteran teachers...

Of course I ask myself, "How am I ever going to get to these kids? How am I going to fill up their tank? Will I have enough in mine to give to them?"

Where will my strength come from?

INFRINGEMENTS

In the last five days of work...

... a boy has walked out of class while I was in the middle of presenting my lesson.

"John, you need to be at your desk. Please go back to your seat now."

"Okay" as he proceeds to walk right out of class with a following of 2-3 curious boys who were "helping their friend".

... in the middle of a lesson, a fifteen-year old boy decides its cool to hang from the ceiling. He climbs up the window levers and "hangs out" as if he were doing pull-ups. After being called down and told that it was dusty up there anyway, he repeats this action ten minutes later.

... a teacher looks directly at a group of girls chattering away while there is a lesson in session. Their reply, "Whatcha' staring at, huh?"

... two boys get up from their desks and run around the class. The cause, one of the them has aggravated the other who was in a terrible mood and is about to get pummeled. After diverting them back into their seats, Nick gets up walks across the row and give George a couple of fists and a shouting match ensues.

... two boys return from the disciplinary room, amuse themselve by playing hacky-sack with the whiteboard duster and hits me in the arm. Should I send them back to the principal?

... in that same class session, a boy sits at his desk and spits not once, not twice, but four times in the classroom.

... I have been called names, been wolf-whistled at and even leered at by the high-school boys. "Hey Teacher, you are damn sexy!"

... a dustbin got thrown onto the door of the teachers' workroom and then the door banged at till the perpertrators got a reaction - us opening the door, to find that they had run off.

For all of these infringements, I have no idea what disciplinary actions can be taken or genuinely enforced. I wonder if teachers nowadays have no more authority to discipline and am beginning to weary about the future prospects of the kids and society in general. These will make up our masses in ten years. God help us.

Meanwhile, I think I will need a deep trough of emotion to stay loving to these kids.

Work & Life

I've now been fruitfully working in the school for four weeks. I guess I was doing the same before being assigned to this school but less 'fruitfully' although in a similarly educationally fulfilling way.

To pep me for the rest of this career, Andy and I spent a long weekend away from the maddening crowd (of school) at a beach where there were few people, the sand was white and the water was clear and blue enough. And I took no photos because we did nothing at all except what you should do at a beach resort. Eat. Swim. Lie. Eat. Swim. Beach. Sand. Lie. Rinse. Repeat.

And that seems like so long ago even though it was only seven days past. Now, I am back in the full swing of things. I felt I was swimming in the deep end the last few weeks - and I still am but yesterday felt like the end of a good day of work. I've been warned that teaching in Singapore is and will be more punishing and that I should expect to put in heaps of time in it.

I'm the sort who will put in heaps just to stay afloat. But I realize that work will never be done. Still, I'm trying to figure out how best to pace myself so that I pursue the right thing in this line. And what is the right thing? For me, the biggest fear is that I will let my lesser self turn into the perfectionist, work-a-holic that I can be in order to maintain control over my career. There is nothing wrong in being good at work - until it has to sacrifice the more important things.

Finally, after a long week, I have done nothing except tinkle with my computer and lie in bed thinking, "Is my life going to be any more than this?" and "how can I make my life more fruitful than just being fruitful at work".

Does a day or week go by when I don't wonder, "have I made today worth living?"

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT WORK

So, I have been missing and by no excuse because of work. I really dread becoming a lamenting lemming blaming and bitching on work. So, I won't write about how it feels to be in The System. Suffice to say that I got a 0 for Compliance on my DISC test.

I was reflecting some bit about what I've accomplished with my time here... Back in Japan (and in Australia), I was quite satisfied with all the things I did and accomplished, it made me feel it was worthwhile to be there and that I made more than full use of the time I was afforded. Beyond the average. I guess a lot of that satisfaction came from giving to the community and people. Instead of using my time by simply 'taking'. I got more from giving.

But its such an easy trap to fall into, making full use of the opportunities that come by through validating how much one can take and receive and internalize. I've realized that I'm falling into the trap too. I've been at school, learning new ideas, pedagogies and theories, I've made new friends and I re-established old ones. I validate the last couple of months I've moved back to Singapore by what I've done (for myself) because I've not done much else for others except building relationships.

That is not to say that relationship building is unimportant but that I don't know how much difference I've really made to others. I tell myself not to get too involved (I said this same thing in Japan...) not to get too drained because I have a lot on my plate this year and that I'll need all the energy I can muster to make it through. And so, I just take, take and take because I think "I don't have anything to give".

I think its about time I started returning something to the community (above and beyond what I can do at work - and what can I do at work. Really.) but one wonders how much I can do about that this season. I know I need other avenues beyond work but I keep hearing myself say I need to put more into work so I can be good at it and I haven't heard myself say what I can do for others for quite awhile...

It's always about me.