So Good To Remember: THE COMING OF AGE TEXTBOOK

THE COMING OF AGE TEXTBOOK

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy.

We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino.

It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup.

Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap. That's why our life expectancies are so long.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom...

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it...

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today...

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.



* DO NOT WORK

THE most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills.

The Japanese have a term 'karoshi', which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill.

But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. Or people who are employed to do something morally distasteful, or even plain criminal.

Such people justify their actions by telling you they are 'making a living'. No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful...

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself...

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. Wake up and know exactly what you want to do and why you want to do it.

If you don't, you are working.



* BE WARY OF THE TRUTH

MOST of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth.

I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things.

The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth.

Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.



* BE HATED

IT'S not as easy as it sounds.

Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many.

That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions.

It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role.

There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself.

Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.



* FALL IN LOVE

THE other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say 'be loved'. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false.

Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings.

It is far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way...

Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming...

You will find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

I want to be an ordinary radical.

How late is this. And how sad it is that I have the time to write this precisely because my body decided it was time to go belly up and insist on rest. So, I've been resting over the long weekend and somemore because I am still not well enough to get back to work.

Clearly though, I have my sense of humour and irony back. Thankfully, its not like a truck ran over me or something.

So much has been happening and so much I've been taking in that its no doubt it was going to happen.

My husband is between jobs, the stress must have taken a toll on my body despite having taken all our thoughts about this captive to Jesus. Then, the kids have their Preliminary exams on friday and I've been marking marking marking that I think I ought to change my middle name from Jadyn to Mark. To compensate for that lack of life, I became a weekend warrior and totalled my body by playing tennis hard on saturday and sunday. All that and the late nights.

And now I have this. Huzzah. The good thing is that it has given me time to read the bible a bit more slowly, pray a bit longer, read a bit more and finish my marking (I told you...)

And so, here are my thoughts so far.

At DG we've been reading the book of Romans. At home, Andy and I, we are trying to go through the life of Solomon. Between all that, I've been wondering, what all the use is of the knowledge we get in our time of 'study'. We talk so much about who Paul is writing for, whether it makes a difference if he's writing to Gentile or Jew (It is my opinion that that is not that important. Either way, I still have to do what Paul says. And really, how are people going know about God from whether Paul writes to Jew or Gentile? They are going to see it through the way I live out my life. So, I shall do both.

Sometimes I come away thinking if I've lost some kinda sight for what the bible is supposed to be saying. Sometimes I come away thinking, 'geez, why couldn't I have seen something that obvious?' or I come away feeling like I've really been put in my spot for saying something stupid and that's why I shouldn't lead in some way. Then I feel awful for not having been humble enough because clearly, I didn't see something that I was supposed to learn.

Other times, I wonder why we (general christian populus) focus so much attention on the finites of the bible that we lose the big picture. I don't mean to say that we shouldn't read the bible and know it well, but what is wrong with The Message version if it challenges and convicts us that our lives need to be changed so that we can reflect Jesus better? What is the point of learning the bible so thoroughly if we cannot be good examples for others?

What is the point of figuring out which society Paul really meant when he said, 'do not be conformed to society', when the focus should be on how God change the way we live our lives?

I've always been challenged to 'live out' this Christian life. We talk about how victorious it is, how god is graceful and merciful, how we are now saved but we so easily glaze over or quite conveniently forget that, "if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory"?

I asked a few people about this 'suffering' and 'persecution' here, and the best we could come up with was a few strange looks from our colleagues, maybe they'd avoid us in future thinking we were one of those crazy christian fanatics. I don't know how I'd do it, but I think we are seriously offending those who are truly persecuted for their faith. I don't see many people in my middle-class upbringing (myself included) suffering for His glory.

So, how should I 'suffer' in living out this Christian life here in Singapore? I'm not asking for pain and I guess, people would say we shouldn't go 'look' for it. But the christian life is precisely that counter-intuitive isn't it? I haven't quite figured this part of my thought out yet. But I know that I by no means suffer at all. We may pay for certain choices we make but we by no means 'suffer' in pain. Case in point: I secretly feel that my husband is precisely in this work situation right now because he chooses to put family time first. I think work is important but I also think we place too much importance in it at the expense of our relationships. Should we conform to how we spend our family time because in Rome we do as the Romans do?

I don't suffer. I live in a beautifully furnished 2-3 bedroom apartment, set in greenery, I have cable, broadband, a mobile phone, two Apple macs, more food than I need in my freezer, a hooge telly, a super-awesome cinema worthy sound system to die for, a big bed, pots that I can't finish using, a spare room that sits all the storage and all this for what? Just the both of us? What have I done with the blessing meant to bless others? I still haven't figured it out.

I'm reading this little book called "The Coffeehouse Gospel: Sharing Your Faith In Everyday Conversation" by Matthew Paul Turner from Relevant Media because I have got to do more than this to make my Savior known. It's a small start. So far, I've thought of cookies for my two Indian neighbours. I have to actually start making them first though.

I've read 'Ordinary Radical' and I hated reading it. Probably myself, because I liked the book so much and wanted to live it out the way I was challenged to but couldn't find the strength/time/conviction to do so. I'm going to read it again once I'm done with this.

I want to do something useful with myself, I want to learn about God and Jesus and his Kingdom as he created it, I want to learn about him through living it out usefully instead of hoarding all this great knowledge of Jesus Christ to ourselves. (Which, by the way, is what all good teachers agree on: experiential learning is the learning that stays the longest. On the job, so to speak.) I want to step out of my comfort zone, I want to be able to make new friends, I want to be able to make new non-christian friends whom I can build relationships with, I want to be challenged to live on the edge that requires only the power of God to get me through.

I still haven't figured out how I'm going to do this.