Opps, I did it AGAIN!

Yep. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a smug-married here but you'll understand why I have to say I have an awesome husband. And I don't say this because I'm obliged to as his wife. I say this because ... you see, I am a bad example of a wife.

Look at the date. Doesn't look like much to you right? And that is exactly how it looks to me. But that is not what is looks like to Andy. To him, and rightfully so, it looks like and is our 6th month anniversary. It's significant in a small and big way, the half-way mark and marks how far we've come.

But I didn't register that! Face it, I didn't remember. Forgetting important dates (especially so early in a marriage) is inexcusable even for a Husband let alone a Wife!

Nevermind that. So oblivious was I to all this... and to all as usual - which goes to show just how sickeningly self-absorbed I truly am - that I took his word piecemeal when he told me first thing this morning, "I need to get yoghurt from the grocery store. I'm having withdrawl symptoms."

I occured to me that it was a strange thing to say since I'd been lamenting our dearth of grocery shopping but there were other things to distract me.

At breakfast, the telco-media guy in him gets frustrated at me because I don't understand the triple-band concept between Starhub and Singtel and he just wants me to be happy, i.e. with an iPhone. I'm all, I don't care how and I don't care when, I'd like one but WHATever is easiest to do for goodness sakes!

Later when he insists on going to Colds Storage for ONE tub of yoghurt (!?!?), he takes 40 minutes. I grudgingly accept his apology for using 'that' tone on me at breakfast and I am rolling my eyes as I scrub the toilet clean. What is he, lost in the supermarket like a five-year old boy without his mother? Roaming the aisles for health food products? Does he not know that there is laundry to be done, floors to clean, bathrooms to tidy up, books to pack away?

. . . . . .
He is visiting me in Japan. It's the night we decide we're an item. We've had a scrumptious dinner to celebrate in Kobe City and get cozy in a rickety Ferris Wheel in Kobe Mosiac. It's late, it's cold, the bus-ride is long and just as I am thinking, "why didn't he agree to cycle to the train station? Now we have to go around the suburb JUST to get home!", he says, "I need to go to the grocery store. I need to get cereal/milk/lightbulb."

"But the store is closing in 10 minutes. We can get it for you when we get up tomorrow...."
"I must have it now! You go home first, get showered and ready for bed, and I'll go. Besides you only have one bathroom... (or some other lame excuse...)"
"Er. okay..."

As I step out of the shower, Andy comes home. At the doorway he's mumbling to me, "they didnt have lightbulbs... or the cashier was closed... or no more milk... but I got you this!" And of course, he presents to me the biggest bouquet of flowers he could find at the supermarket at 10pm. It wasn't very big, but his gesture was huge and had me by surprise. I wonder to myself, how slow I was to pick up on this. Very soon, I learn that he's very good at diverting my attention.

. . . . . .

He's home, he's knocking on our door as I'm at my desk wondering which part of Wonderland I should attempt to find him. And of course, its the flowers I see first as he steps through the door.

HAPPY 6TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!!

Tell me, where should I put my face?

The Bible Experience!

I got it!

When?

A lot happened over the long weekend. I wasn't able to shake-off the persistent cough I had on thursday and friday and the only reason why I can afford the time to write this, is because I'm on medical leave today and tomorrow. Arrigato.

I can't wait for when our apartment will be our haven. But till then, we are getting a little bit worried about the financing of it. We're getting a little tight because all the bills want to come in on the same time and I'm afraid we'll run into deficit for the next few months.

Of course, I know that this really should be an area of faith - we trust that the Lord will provide. It won't not show up - the question as all questions of faith are is When?

Other When questions...

We spent our saturday at church membership class and while we were there, a friend of ours was accompanying his wife on the course as well. Instead of wasting away time listening to doctrine again, he spent the arvo studying.

Before I left university, I actually thought I'd try my hand at it, but I know finance and numbers in those details are really not my cup of tea. What it got me thinking was whether Andy and myself were taking the opportunity to grow in all areas. Bible School crossed my mind, mission school crossed my mind but those things truly had to wait till I had served my bond.

On the other hand, my language skills have gone to the dogs. I feel like a liar each time I say I can speak Japanese because I haven't spoken much of it over the last two year much less remember it.

I also thought about how fun and challenging it would be for both of us to be swotting for exams. To see Andy in a different light, and show him how crap I am in learning languages. He has been reminding me ever so often about Japanese classes .... and I have been humming and hawwing and I don't even know why except to say I was not interested.

But something about seein our friend study for something beyound his school of study motivated me to remember that I want to continue growing in ways that will be useful in the field.

I'm still thinking if I have what it takes to see it through, but now is about as good a time to start studying the language formally. It's about two more years to go.

*Warning: Whinge-fest ahead*

After living here for 2 years, I've finally come to this point.

I'm sick and tired of trying to do what I need to do (work) and be who I need to be (daughter, wife, mate etc.) and be in high spirits and ever enthusiastic. It's just come to a head. There was a time I had the Time to be all that but that is just not here.

One day. Just one day. I decide not to answer calls on my mobile for 4 hours and I get a total blasting for something as minor as not returning calls or text messages.

Since when were text messages so much more important than a pleasant conversation? Since when was that exchange worth a shouting match?

There is nothing more to say other than I am resigned.

YET,

there are things I know that should be done. I wonder - and yet, its no wonder, why I have become more short-tempered. I wondered if it was an occupational hazard, if it was the general vibe of people around me. That part, I really don't like about myself now. I don't know what has happened to time I had to take time for things to come and let que sera be que sera. Now it has to be THIS way or the highway.

With patience, I think also should be more polite and less demanding, less curt toward others - especially my parents. I remember thinking too long ago when I first returned that I noticed the brashness about others and thinking how I had the opportunity that comes with social adjustment, to be more polite to them. But lately, all I seem to be doing is losing my cool and raising my voice.

What's most frustrating is that I don't know how to turn back time or to bring it forward. I'm at a lost of how to find it in myself to take it easy the way I want to.

What happened to the person I became in Japan? Where did she go?