THE VANITY OF LIVING WISELY

I may have written this sometime before - but I don't remember, so I'll write it again. It's the sort of classic 'Dad's Sayings' which never ceases to stump you. Where do they got their wisdom?

This was a few months back when I just moved in and was about to start on campus to do more studying on education. Dad was driving me to the train station so I could hop on the bus for orientation or something or other. I remember it was early in the day with weekday traffic. Suits and uniforms were in cars and buses off to work or school. As we passed a bus-stop, we noticed a lone highschool student pouring over a text while waiting for the bus. And Dad made this comment, "look at her studying at the bus-stop... "

His sphiel basically went as follows:

"Look at the girl studying at the bus-stop. She can't stop studying. Every moment that's available, students are studying. Even at the bus-stop. Sigh. For what?

So that they can get into college and university. And then they study hard so they get a paper and for what?

So that they can meet the right people and get a good job. And her, that girl over there, what will most likely become of her? She'll meet a nice guy, get married and... have kids.

Then, she should stay at home and have kids. And when her kids get to school they'll have to study too... "

Why do you all want to study so hard?!"

At this stage I was stunned to be hearing what he was saying - not because I think it's sexist or anything - I know two principles are running through his mind. Yes, she needs to be wise and smart to bring up good children. This is a no-brainer. It was not a sexist comment. But, just as I was about to do more 'specialized studies in Education', another principle was surfacing which I had never heard before.

"But why didn't you tell me this earlier? Earlier as in, when I was in highschool or elementary school?!?!? I would have so agreed with you! Why wait till now as I'm on my way to do even more of that?!"

"Neh, we cannot tell you 'not to study so hard' as parents - but really, y'all... really don't need to sweat it as much as you think you do."

I think his point was really just this:

The wise person has eyes in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. And yet, the same even happens to them both - death. So I said in my heart, "what happens to the fool will happen to me also. Why then have I been so very wise?" And I said in my heart that is also was meaningless.
The Wisest Man in the Bible - Ecclesiastes 2:14-16

SOME GOOD THINGS ABOUT TOMORROW

After a three-day holiday in the middle of the week, I have a long day tomorrow. Actually it wasn't a holiday really, I spent it hacking away on a paper. The good things are:

- I'm done with the 70% Educational Psychology paper on Critical & Creative Thinking. One subject DOWN!
- I'm done with the first Individual Psychology paper. I think there's three more to go.
- By tomorrow, my Integrated Classroom Technology Project will have a 70% semblance of completion.
- At the end of tomorrow's work day, I will finally get to meet my mission team to Indonesia!

It's been raining! Bye Bye Haze! Hello Tennis!

It poured today! YAY! Maybe we will get some haze-relief!

A SYSTEMIC SOCIAL PRESSURE

I was thinking about the things that I do because... I can't quite put a finger down on why other than say that those things feel like I need to do them. I also thought about the things I do because I want to do them and the things I don't do anymore.

Let's use church as an example.

I want to go to church.
I am attending a specific church at the moment which seemed like a good idea at the point of decision. I don't always think I want to go there, but I have been going there anyway. This weekend, I didn't go because, well because I had an opportunity to choose not to. That's not to say the other weeks I go (to any) because I didn't have the opportunity. It just felt that the option was always biased one way.

There are other things besides church that we do like this. We act a certain way because we think we have to. Some system has told us that there is an expected behavior; the irony is that not following that 'expected' behavior doesn't always lead to the dire consequences we imagine to.

Of course, there is always consequence. People will talk and usually, someone's reputation or character is held in jury. But, the actual consequence to your person, isn't always dire. It's like, we worry too much about what someone would say/feel (hurt) about doing something (or not) than the reason behind why we do (love). And, Reason, I feel ought to be the most compelling for doing something. It should be you at your most rationale point making an intrinsic decision which we usually always choose for our good and wellbeing.

But, it seems most times, we still let the expected behaviors of 'tradition' control our actions.

There are things I have somehow stopped doing or those activities have felt to be dwindling. We're not discussing vices here, and I tend to think as they are things I enjoy, they are for my own well-being and sanity. Maybe it shows I don't need to do as much as I thought I needed to. It doesn't explain why I do them less. Sometimes I do them less because I'm trying to save (shopping for example). Sometimes, saving that money does not equal the good I could get out of it and I want to do it despite of the price. But, I don't for some fuzzy notion of a social pressure.

I'm concluding that there is some sort of systemic social pressure (anywhere) to behave in a certain way and I'm thinking at this point, that there are somethings I refuse to be pressured to do (or not do as it were). There are principles I have adopted and grown into - they are not wrong they are just different! - and I do not want compromise on that.

On that note, I'm determining that I should try to gain back some of what I've let go. Some semblance of the complete and fulfilled life that I had, which is open to people joining me and being part of. But I don't want to just follow someone else's idea of 'life'. There's just strength in doing that.

ACTUALLY, WE DON'T CARE

I think most of the people that read me are not actually with me here. So, for your benefit, let me tell you what has been happening here.

Singapore, is going through this strange phenomenon which I somehow do not recall experiencing before. But they tell me here that is an annual issue. You see, this country is now going through a dry spell. Dry not in the way that there is no water - this is an island and it can even make its own water. But dry in the, GOD PLEASE LET IT RAIN!

You see, Indonesia is burning off forests and vegetations (I want to say 'pastures' but there are none left). It seems once a year around this time, the whole nation become pyromaniacs and starts fires in their backyard. We don't really care that its damaging the environment or that it results in soil erotion or that in doing that, the lumberyards are simply getting away with not having to pay for manpower for logging - to clear land for oil palm plantations- what can be done in flames.

What Singapore cares about is that the winds bring that ash over here. It blows all this minute particles which measure less than something they call the 'psi10'. On a regular day, this reading should be around 20-30. Pollution and all that. The last two months have seen it in the 50-60 region and the last two weeks, above psi100. It's like breathing in BBQ smoke except there ain't anything good smelling or to eat.

And since there is no rain and the winds don't change ... it just smothers the country. Gok! gok! gok! My nasal cavity is a tingly saw-paper and my nose a tap. If the rains just came, then all this could be washed away... down the drain... If the winds just changed, then Indonesia can jolly well live in the smog that it insists on creating.

So God, please God, have mercy on us! :-)

WEEKEND MEMO

I had supper - saturday morning past 12 - and talked and talked till I went to bed at 3am. It is years since I did that and I paid for it the next day. Even after 6 hours of sleep which to most humans should've been enough I was not quite human. No wonder saturday went by in a moody daze. Still, I did pass my guitar presentation. I get to advance to AWD2. But I'm not going. Saving instead for my trip to Indonesia!

But Sunday was heaps better - I slept for almost half a day. I had a total of 11 hours of sleep. That was so good! Then Andy came over with breakfast and we had a good chat about stuff then decided to attend a meeting to confirm that yes, I was interested in serving as a DiscoveryLand Core Teacher for the 4 to 6 year olds. God, help me. I know not what I do!

I faffed around a bit more at home then we decided to visit Plaza Singapura. I went shopping and what I bought speaks volumes. I would rather buy Donald Miller's Through Painted Deserts rather than a black blouse that I really needed. Ha! I also succumbed to Santus Real's 2006 The Face of Love album. Then we went to watch a late night showing of The Departed that went till past midnight. Somehow amazing I'm still doing okay right now.

I'd like that 11 hours of sleep again. Please?

WOMAN IN WAITING

This evening I felt like I was a woman in waiting - waiting for men. A woman whose life is on hold for the men to do something. And it wasn't as if I meant to wait. I thought I had my evening planned out, in fact I was triple-booked.

But, none of the three happened for me. Andy had to bail out of dinner 15 minutes before our appointed meeting time, after I had arrived at our destination 15 minutes early. Unfortunately, he's still at the office and looks to be there till early tomorrow morning.

Evenings like this, I wonder why I let this happen to myself. I wonder why I plan for things, look forward for things to pan out and set myself for disappointment and regret when nothing does happen. I wonder why I let other people do this to me. Specifically, why I would do this for the people I care about or why I would let them do it to me?

I wonder then if I've lost control of something in my life - like, some aspect of it, like my use of time and its return is at the mercy of someone elses' schedule. Should I try to take it back, maintain of its previous glory? Is this why people keep themselves so busy (in Singapore, in general), with no time for anyone else to 'waste' the time similarly or determine their returns on time spent on things?

I thought today was going to be a relationally fruitful day - a good day, and that kept my mood up through the day and gave me something to look forward to too. But if I take all this into consideration, its been quite a poor use of a day; I have nothing to show for it.

Bummer.

THE FULL MOON

Finally a friday I can look forward too totally. It seems like its been awhile since I've had a weekend without something or other hanging over my head to be done. It's the season for mooncakes and I totally love them.

Totally and totally. When I was in Sydney, I'd get *them* to smuggle it in cause immigration was so darned strict of food product. But I would so treasure that single mooncake for the season. In Japan it wasn't so bad - there's a Chinatown there but the mooncake were rubbish! But it was easy to send them to me. So maybe I'd have... four instead of 1.

But now that I'm back - the folks by all sorts of means have been given nine boxes. I'm sending one off to Japan ;-)

Tonight, to celebrate my birthday weekend, I'm going to watch Russell Peters with some good old friends. No more work this weekend!