ENNUI SETS IN

Have bugger all to show for my four day vacation. A grand waste of time. Except, a whole lot of new music stuffed into my iPod.

Overheard on a telephone conversation, my mother mumbling to my dad before he speaks to me, "Will you tell her to come home?"

Crikey, my folks are old. My mom is peppered underneath her mom of black no matter how youthful she looks. She doesn't even try by the way. My dad, meanwhile is playing Seniors golf at the club this arvo and trying to swat away the people who want to promote him from his semi-retirement job. And where was I when all this was happening? Busy chasing my own adventures.

I feel I owe them some of my youthful energy while I still have it.

I'm too young for this responsibility! This sucks!

Yeah, it bites.

My beach vacation has ended. The typhoons have arrived. It even made the news. I'm not supposed to go anywhere on my bike. Yeah, like I'm going to want to bike in the wet. Have you seen how uncool the japanese are attaching their brollies to their shopping baskets? They even put cup-holders on the handles. One day there's going to be a portable mobile phone attachment for the bike, which can recharge using the energy generated from the pedallin'!

But no one said nuthing' about the Soul Sistas Partaeee on Shinsaibashi tonight. But I'm so tight, I don't even want to pay for train-fare.

Japanese maple.

Audio: Bic Runga's Beautiful Collision. Understated talent for sure.
Biblio: Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything
Cerebrio: Ennui has set in and very soon will cement me.

ENGLISH TODAY

Though something else by profession, my keen interest in the weather would make me English today.

We're having a typhoon over here.

A thunderstorm has been calculated to contain an amount of energy equivalent to 4 days' use of electricity for the whole of United States.

At any one moment, 1800 thunderstorms are in progress around the globe - some 40,000 a day.

Every second, about 100 lighting bolts hit the ground.

A typical weather front may consist of 750 million tonnes of cold air pressed against a billion tonnes of warm air. Add that to the convection currents and electric currents moving within it.

A tropical hurricane - the typhoon - can release in 24 hours, as much energy as a rich medium sized nation, like the one I have adopted today, uses in a year.

What a meteorological turmoil the sky above me must be now.

The plumbest, most cushiony-looking cloud, the same anvil shaped one that brings rain, the beautifully crisp and well defined cumulo-nimbus is number 9 in the catalogue of Atlas of Meteorology. This, it seems is the source of the expression, "to be on cloud nine".

Which is where I am today. Enjoying the gusty breeze, rasta music, down to my skinnies and bottoms and a really good book. The source of my day's humour and knowledge, Bill Bryson's A Short History of The World. I'm short of some sand, some sun and some water and a few palm trees though.

Water. What I would do for some.

A potato is 80% water. A cow, Japanese or Australian, is 74% water. A tomato at 95% water, is little else but water. And we, at 65% water are more liquid than solid by a margin ratio of almost 2:1.

It is formless. It is transaparent. Yet, how I long to be beside it even though it can give me little warmth or a snuggle.

It has no taste, yet I love to swish it in my mouth.

It has no smell, yet I get excited at the smell of rain and the sea breeze.

Even though it is dangerous and drowns 10,000 people a year, I can't wait to move to the beach.

Ten more days of teaching at this school is all. No wonder I'm feigning like I'm in some island paradise. Even my tomato juice is pretending to be a Bloody Mary.

"You call that a drink? Send it back to the bar and tell that cute bartender I want something a lot stiffer! And see if he can balance a wedge of pineapple on it with a paper umbrella. I want Tropicana with pink shorts!"

Audio: Cafe Del Mar Ibiza.
Bibio: Bill Bryson's A Short History of The World.
Cerebrio: I'm in an island paradize, where the sand is so fine I can't even feel it in my toes and where the water is so blue, I can't see even see it because of the reflection. If I put some sunblock milk instead of aromatherapy oil on the burner..."

SILLINESS BEGETS SILLINESS

Being very silly at VillageVangard. My favourite place to shop!

But at least I'm not the only one!

Trying hard to blend in.

But J does local better. Without cracking up.

Audio: Chocolate from Snow Patrol's Final Straw.
Biblio: A Short History of the World by Bill Bryson.
Cerebrio: Now, what should I do with all this time on my hands?

AND THIS IS WHY...

What makes this silent perserverance impressive is that, we do manage to go on. Somehow, we picked ourselves up (or someone else has), dusted the dirt off our knees, kissed our bruises, held out hands, holded out prayers, and we go on with life, pretty much more or less the same way it seems even though, under the still waters, it ripples deep. What makes it even that much more impressive is that we go on to do it with even more hope and a renewed vigour, to open our hearts, wear it on our sleeves, follow it and share it with everyone else.

And this is why, because Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Cor. 13:4-7.

That is why we can go on.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
Oh no! It is an ever-fixed mark,
That looks on tempests and is never shaken...

Audio: So Beautiful by Alex.
Biblio: A Short History of the World by Bill Bryson.
Cerebrio: 4 day weekend!

A GREEK TRAGEDY

It's always associated with the solemn, poetic and
philosophic. As always, the main character is
admirable in endeavours but hardly perfect.
And, almost always, the drama revolve around
difficult moral choices... Is it any coincidence that
all surviving tragedies are based on a myth? >>

OLD KYOTO. PRESENT DAY.

Sannen-zaka; Rickshaw puller before Yasaka temple

Dancing in Gion.

A SADDNESS WELLING UP INSIDE ME

How does life go on, when you wake up to another bad work day (as work days generally go), turn on the computer at your desk, download the day's email and then find out that the your boyfriend, posted to work 10,000 miles away, had a one night stand, a few lonely, drunken months ago. How?

What do you do when in the middle of a busy work day, you receive an email apologising that you had to be informed this way of all ways, "Sorry, I've fallen in love with someone else whom I met on a holiday." What do you do?

What do you say, when you call someone on another continent to congratulate them on their graduation only to hear the words -"I'm really busy now. I'm on my way to lunch. This relationship isn't working. I think we should break-up. I've been seeing some one else for the last couple of weeks" - all in one breathe?

What are you supposed to do, when after waiting out for months at an out-posting, at your first lunch together, he answers a call in that voice only previously reserved for you? When his plans for the rest of your first day back don't include you. What are you supposed to do, when you just know?

What do you do when the pit of your stomach turns upside down? When your bones turn to lead? When your fingers turn to ice? When your tongue turns into the Sahara? When a frog materializes in your throat? When your lunch threatens to come straight out the way it went in a few hours ago? How do you make it through the first minute, the first hour, the next day, when the very center of your life becomes an immense vortex, a burgeoning blackhole sucking the reason of your entire existence into itself? How do you even begin to fathom to make it through? Or, have someone else think you could do it all over again one day? It's not something you can just pick yourself up from, dust off the dirt and go on like it was any other day. The day that it happens, you change forever.

Someone put a band-aid on,
And wrap in up in gauze.
Hold it tight, while it bleeds,
Never let it go.
Watch the scab heal the scar
In that secret place inside.
Put a finger on your lips,
then put it on my heart.

Audio: Run Eyed Blues by Ben Harper.
Biblio: A Short History of the World by Bill Bryson.
Cerebrio: A saddness is welling up inside me.

CWS

Companion Withdrawal Symptom

Symptoms: Induced by prolonged absence of human relations resulting in obsessive time spent with close relations available within a short amount of period. Incubation period is symptomatic; patient has eyebags as a result of lack of sleep in part due to late night insomnia, drinking, talking sessions and random shooting of the moon. Frequent burst of schpiels and purging of thoughts [accumulated by prolonged absence] from a chattering and mumbling heap. Maybe excerbated by lack of native language conversial. Incubation lasts from 2-4 days. Diagnosed by sense of emptiness and boredom, accompanied by thoughts of hyperdelusional ''what-ifs'' and ''maybe-I-should's''.

Treament: Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal but incurable. Patient should seek relief from the balm of busyness in such mundane actions of email bouts and webbing sessions. Victimes should go into highly populated urban areas, or immerse in communcative activities such as real-time chat and make frequent phone calls to her support network.

HIGASHIYAMA, Kyoto

Jan's here! Yeay! I love that Jan's here!

I've been very blessed and its kept on getting better.
I scored a day off yesterday and we spent the day playing tourists all over Eastern Kyoto. My legs are sore. And we had the biggest gastronomic dinner at Gyuzen. All-you-can-eat-shabu-shabu. Yummy Yummy. But its back at work today. Boohoo. Nevermind. I have a weekend coming.

I tried to take monday off too, thinking it was still summer school break. But I have to go into work that day. Phooey. But then, I was told I have accrued a few more days of leave than I thought I initially had and had to clear it before I leave. And so, I get to take another two days off next week! But not the week when Tay comes, and not the monday. Japanese. They're so wierd. They're such sticklers.

SOME SORT OF REFLECTION

10 Years Ago, I...

1. wasn't doing much, most definitely not studying - and completely stopped studying mandarin.
2. fell deeply in love with biology and chemistry.
3. decided to apply myself sans mandarin. (I told you I didn't do much - I was a nerd)

5 Years Ago, I...

1. left a complicated love-hate relationship with the lifescience for the letters.
2. left another complicated love-hate relationship with someone who would forever be etched in my memory.
3. moved out of home.

3 Years Ago, I...

1. thought marriage was impending, panicked and then was hopeless crushed when it wasn't.
2. fell in love with post-colonial cultural studies. I am now a bona fide P/C cultures otaku.
3. properly learnt how to drive.

1 Year Ago, I...
1. taught Sunday school inspite of my violent tendencies toward bawling things below my hip.
2. worked for WorldVision Australia.
3. b/packed the desert of Australia.

So far this year, I...

1. moved to Japan.
2. got a job at an international school.
3. became a tentmaker for God's kingdom.

Yesterday, I...

1. went to work. Spent it daydreaming about being at the beach.
2. had bills to pay - which I haven't.
3. toyed with the idea of moving to China to do more development work in healthcare comunication!!! (See: Point 10-1 and 5-1)

Today, I...

1. get ready to face the day,
2. will pay my bills.
3. will meet Jan at the station. Let the month-long revelries begin!!!

MIHO MUSEUM IN THE MOUNTAINS

Its been a while since I put up any images around here. Perhaps I've reached that stage in expatriate disenchantedment where nothing is as surprising to me as it used to be. No, there still is - plenty, in fact - but I'm used to being surprised?

Not as surprised as I was yesterday when Miyoko took Keely and myself to Shiga for the day to spend it at Miho Museum. It is the largest privately owned art & culture museum owned in Japan - and they even had architectural legend I. M. Pei (the man responsible for Le Grand Louvre and its spectacular pyramid) design the museum to contain the collection. What's so demmed amazing? Musuems and galleries in Japan are hardly anything like back home where art permeates through the whole visual experience, no extension of the modern installation-art-in-spacial design. That is, until you lay eyes on this beauty. I was truly in awe and mind you, it takes a lot to surprise me here nowadays.

It took six years to gain permission to set the museum in the national reserve mountains of Shiga and 80% of the museum is underground - part of Pei's project to harmonize the building with the surrounding landscape - all of it is naturally lit! (Except for soft-focus lights on the displays - and even then he makes subtle use of skylights!)

And then the collection! Some of these works have been on loan to the Metropolitan Museum of Art NY, The British Museum and the Howard Carter Exhibitions. Yet, admission was a trifle Y800 (I paid Y1800 for the Flanders exhibition at the Met Museum Tokyo in a very unimpressive building!). Thank goodness for philantrophic Japanese families.

Expecting to be surprised again my Mikyoko, I'm going to make the trek to Kyoto this arvo.

Audio: Feeling way too damned good by Nickleback on Power98.fm.
Biblio: A Short History of The World by Bill Bryson.
Cerebrio: Things are seeming to looking up!

INERTIA IS A TOUGH BARRIER TO CRASH THROUGH

But they say in sports, just as in life, that the ultimate reward really is in seeing how far you can go. Spoils, like money and medals, are the icing on the cake.

WINNERS ARE QUITTERS WHO KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE

Just this morning, I received an email from headoffice, "I was just writing to see how your doing, and if there is anything that i can do for you? I had a look at your numbers and they appear to be holding steady. That is good to see.''

What was good to see was that I was another corporate tool, another number for the capitalist venture.

Yet, for all its misrepresentation, I was filled with tingly nervousness as I signed and fax off my letter. I know I didn't have to feel bad/anxious/nervous/scared/jittery (delete as appropriate) but I was. The heartbreak of finality and dissapointment with the company.

But why was I even worrying about it? Millions of people, around the world, everyday, hand in their resignations, all the time and with even less notice than me. For reasons of this argument, I'm no different from them in this way. Why am I worrying? Besides, I have a big man taking care of the job for me.

And really, all was good. I didn't care anymore because it was none of my God-business to and I didn't have to. All said, it was civil and courteous if not actually a rather pleasant affair altogether.

And now that this chapter is about to close, I resolve to enjoy myself in the next one. I will. I can feel the breakthrough.

Audio: Afterglow by Sarah McLachlan.
Biblio: The Home and The World by Tagore.
Cerebrio: I couldn't be convinced to stay even till the end of August. I can barely contain myself till the end of July!

POWER ON LINE

I'm thinking, "let's tune to a Singapore radio station and remember what Singlish is like before my accent completely cements into a mixture of Austra-Anglo-lect (from all English I do hear on VirginRadio UK). Read: I miss home.

So, I tune into a webcast of The 2Nite Show and who do I hear? One of my classmates from highschool hosting it. I heard she made it on air, but I haven't been around to hear her and she surely sounds different on air. But its definitely her.

Maybe there's some transponder box in the radio station that packages all their hosts into a generic version of Singapore pop radio hosts.... oh forgive me but its true! Of course, it doesn't do SW any justice...

Audio: My Happy Ending Avril Lavign on Power98fm webcast.
Biblio: The Home and The World by Tagore.
Cerebrio: Janine is coming next week!!!

SIGNED

I printed my notice of leave, received my new contract, signed and returned, and then signed on my resignation letter.

Now, how do I break the news?

Audio: Fireworks.
Biblio: The Home and The World by Tagore.
Cerebrio: It felt good to take the attendence, glance by the dates and think - "hey, I won't be there!"

GOIDO:PUNGGOL as ASHIYA:BUONA VISTA

And, that's what it feels like. Spent saturday at Ashiya, recce'd the joint, and am completely sold. Not only is the apartment by the river and a walk to the beach, its also got a nice broadwalk along the river, albeit a little sparse of people, with plenty of flats for running and in-line skating. And as we walked along the Ashiyagawa, we spotted a handful of wakeboarders on the river. It's a long straight estuary out into Osaka Bay. Perfect for the sport.

The beach was nothing grand. But with all the open space and really green grass (not gravel or rice padis) and walkways, with the children's jungle gyms and paddling pools, it reminded me a lot of West Coast park. Tick!

We recount our steps back to apartment, crossed the river, and this time we spotted a team of canoeist racing through. Grand!

Altogether, this week has been grand. Possibly the happiest and most relaxed I've been throughout my time here. A sign of good things to come? Now, I have to worry about writing my first resignation letter. And, that opinion piece I've been asked to write for a Malaysian online editorial on perspectives covered in my thesis. Grin!

MICC is actually a Non-Profit Organization

I'm back. AppleCare was really good with efficiency and now iChilibuddy (yea, it was a good idea iJamba!) is back kicking, better and brighter!

And, I got offered the job!

International Community. Christian. Non-Profit. Ashiya, Kobe. Sunday school everyday of the week - "we want someone to step-up the Christian presence in the classroom". 15 minutes to the beach (Not as grand as Coogee but better than East Coast). Fully furnished, western style, 3 bedroom apartment (by the river/harbour no less), shared by two. Smack bang between Osaka and Kobe, only two - three stops either way on the rapid express, not out in the sticks. Regular working hours, if school hours 9:30pm to 3:30/4pm count as regular. Heh! No more graveyard shifts! and no pay cut (always nice)!

Incidentally, I'm going back to Ashiya tomorrow. If the weather continues to scorch, Laura ("poacher" extrodinaire and now new future housemate from Wales), Debs, Chantel (the teacher I'm replacing) and me are going to the Ashiyagawa Beach. (Yes, the one thats a walk and a skip from the apartment...)

Audio: -/-
Biblio: Home and The World by Tagore.
Cerebrio: Happy!

INTERNATIONAL. CHRISTIAN. KOBE.

I would attempt to write this thought in a more coherent manner but the content of this thought should be sufficient explaination enough.

And, this is what working life has done to me. I have an interview lined for an International Christian school in Ashiya, Kobe this friday. The three words "International", "Christian" and "Kobe" should be enough reason to leap for joy. But strangely, I'm not. I think I would like to be though.

For so many reasons other than those three words, that job is in so many ways better than the lot I've got here. But as it turns out, I think I've reached my new nadir of jaded-ness to care.

And you know why this utter detachment bordering of fatalistic resignation? Oh god forbid that it should be that and not faith instead! Remember what happened to the boy who cried wolf? Laura is really keen about me moving down that way and I am too - she already wants to know what we'll do for an internet-telephony connection. I don't want to care yet/ Because we the kind of luck I've been having so far this year, it will all go terribly warped.

It must be a new found something to induce my general sense of blase and malaise regarding the whole schbang.

DECOMMISSIONED

My computer has decided to decommission itself for the next few days. Apparently, the decided heat of summer got to my iBook and its now acting up on the flawed design of the logic card. I'm not quite sure what it all means except that translated by the AppleCare people, they will come to my apartment to pick it up (!) and replace the logic card for free (!!) if it is the fault of the card.

Even though its incredibly hard to write with the flickering screen, I still love Apples! Let's see Microsoft/Windows do all that!

I will be back.

MOBILE

Went back home again
this sucks gotta pack up and leave again
say goodbye to all my friends
can't say when I'll be there again
It's time now to turn around
Turn my back on everything....

Everythings changing when I turn around all out of my control I'm a mobile.

Start back at this life
Stretch myself back into the vibe
I'm waking up to say I've tried
Instead of waking up to another TV GUIDE
It's time now to turn around
Turn and walk on this crazy ground ...

Hanging from the ceiling lifes a mobile spinning round
with mixed feelings crazy & wild ...
sometimes I wanna SCREAM OUT LOUD ....

Everythings changing
everywhere I go
All out of my control
Everythings changing
everywhere I go out of what I know

TAKE IT IN, SUCK IT UP AND GUM ON

If the opportunity should present itself and I turn it down, I promise not to whinge about work the way I have been the last six months. I will whinge. I won't be an ungrateful sod.