A HEALING CRISIS

After a year plagued with colds, flus and culminating in bronchitis, I decided it was time to give my body a good clean out, hopefully to rid myself of whatever the problem was if I could. Plus, I had had too much rich foods over the yuletide season while giving Su the whole tour of hte Japanese cuisine I was familiar with. Japanese cuisine, isn't as "healthy" as we all think it is. There is very little greens and fibres, little protein, and double a decent serving of carbo. Besides, holiday indulgence just isn't normal for a body to take.

So, now my body's having a healing crisis of withdrawals, headache and nausea. I kid you not. I tried putting down three chocolate pretzels only for them to come right back up. My body's revolting I tell you. NYE or not, I have to lie down and sleep it out. You'll get the obligatory NYE entry when I'm feeling up to it.

Audio: -/-
Biblio: Mammon Inc. by Hwee Hwee Tan.
Cerebrio: Headache. Headache. Headache.

JAPAN + NATSUKASHI = SENTIMENTAL

I just sent CurlySu off. Party's over. Down come the Christmas tree, the lights and wreath. I'll leave the greeting cards on the wall a little longer to relish. Man, what a month it has been, from November leading all the way up to December. I don't like to be alone in Japan, being a foreigner really sets you apart in reality and in the mind. But I think I'm going to really appreciate the long New Year's week holiday to just wind down from all the hullabaloo. A sentimental echo of my life in Sydney. It's amazing just how a year ago, I treasured the privacy of living in my own loft. But now, even in a three-bedroom apartment by the beach, that lifestyle is not one I want to perpetuate in Japan for too long. I bet you before I know it, I will be waiting expectantly for Laura to be back.

I've overspent my budget this season, but seeing as how Su has just inherited my digital camera in advance of her relocation to Australia, I think i've got my eyes set on the Nikon CoolPix 4000 series or the Canon A75/85 by the start of the new school term. I really wanted something with long-term expansion potential but my finances have no such potential to expend.

Also, I haven't eaten so richly in for so long in Japan. My sister is a real meat-eater. Me, I think my choice of diet is a reflection of my time spent in Australia. Yoghurt! Milk! Juice! Granola! Muesli! Fruit! Veggies! Gonna have to do a fruit-vege detox diet soon.

Now, I'm going to catch up on my much needed sleep and put a dent in the debt.

Audio: Jesus, Etc. from Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot.
Biblio: Soul Survivor: How I survived The Church by Philip Yancey.
Cerebrio: I know my title has nothing to do with the entry. But I just realized the closest english word to 'natsukashi!' is 'sentimental'.

NON-EVENTS

"My camera's been giving gip the last month", is a bad excuse not to have been putting up pretty pixs for all to see. But its true at least and its been making me wonder whether I should get a new one finally. I've been putting off getting a new one since my last major electronic purchase of the iPod almost 10 months ago, because I thought I could do without it. And I did. After all, my current OEM one for a steal of $150 has been ploughing it for me. To date, it has given me more than 2500 photos, enough to give my iPhoto libary load-up a real workout each time I open it. I have to archive the 2004-2005 batch of photos very soon. To think, not so long ago, I had only thought to expect it to last the journey of the Australian desert.

After not having bought myself a birthday present and a chrimbo pressie yet, one wonders if this warrants another major purchase. I don't want to buy a flashy one with more features than I can use. I much prefer a real basic one where I control the setting of the settings control me. And I think it would be good stewardship to look for one which I can expand its capabilities with add-ons like zoom lenses in the far future when I have proven to myself that I deserve an upgrade instead of having to make another big purchase.

On a completely different matter, its been a real experience hearing Laura's Chrissie Holidays from the other side. Sometime bittersweet cause I can't be there nor can I be at the one at home - and I really do want to. The first few days I was really struggling with discontent but I prayed real hard that God show me what it was all about and give me joy to share with CurlySu around. And he showed me that in reality, the christmases we celebrate are non-events anyway and at the bottom of it, its not as if we always focused on the real matter at heart: Christ's birth. Most of the times, we make an altar out of the blessing we get out of Christ's birth. Family gatherings, presents, thanksgiving, the festive spirit of completing a year; they are all great reasons to meet and celebrate but the real heart of it can be celebrated without them.

So, this year's non-events of Christmas and New Years will be celebrated as a first for me in a different country and a different setting. Anti-climactic as it may indeed turn out to be, I will try not to habour discontent and begrudge those that do have the privelege of a grand celebration. I will be happy for them but I should not be in want of anything. I'm finally getting what it must mean to other's in foreign countries when their special events are not celebrated or acknowledged as they should. They must feel somewhat cheated of a celebration too.

Audio: -/-
Biblio: The Lady And The Unicorn by Tracy Chevalier.
Cerebrio: I can't believe its Christmas eve already. Yea. It definitely doesn't feel like it.

EVEN WHEN I DON'T SEE, I STILL BELIEVE.

Though the questions still fog up my mind,
With promises I still seem to bear.
Even when answers slowly unwind,
It's my heart I see you prepare.
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain,
From every fingertip washing away my pain.

And just like that, I know God must have other plans for me.

About a month ago, I met Jesus in a dream. It's the first time I'd seen him and I can't even tell you what his face looks like. but you all know that in dreams, even when you can't see the person, you know who thee persona is? Well, this was him. No face to the persona, just robed in a lot of white and brightness but not in a blinding light that knees you to the ground. Just a brightness that brings awe.

There isn't much more to it, except the most important part that he handed me an alarm clock and said in not so many words, "Here take this. It's set for 7 o'clock. So you won't miss it." And just like that, the dream was over. Now, it was a friday night's sleep so I had made sure I was going to get all my heart's desire of sleeping in which meant, I had switched off all alarms, double layered my curtain to block light out and as if that were not enough, put on an eye mask and plugged my ears in.

Of course, in relating this, you probably expect me to tell you that at 7 o'clock the next morning my alarm clock went off - miraculously. Well, my alarm clock is never set before 7:30am. But, your guess would have been right. My alarm clock did go off at 7:00am the next morning. And what did yours truly who'd just met Jesus do? Turned it right off and went back to sleep. Oh yeah. Sleep.

The next morning, I related the incident to Laura and then went back to check if my alarm clock was on and had been set at 7:00am or if I were simply imagining things. The alarm was set at 7:30am and it was still set to off.

What did that all mean? God knows. Something of God's perfect number of 7, something about "waking up to something". I've been trying to figure this one out. I don't usually have such vivid dreams and remember them. Then again, if you ever got to meet Jesus, I don't think you'd forget it either.

I still believe in your faithfulness.
I still believe in your truth.
I still believe in your holy word,
Even when I dont see I still believe.

Well my friends, what am I babbling on about? You'll know from my archives that over this year I have been putting in some meagre work to going back to the faculty to continue my research in Post-colonial Political Culture studies. The good news if you haven't heard, is that Melbourne University did offer me a place to do it. The better news is, I won't be doing it. The International Postgraduate Research Scholarship didn't come through for me, so I have no moolah to fund my research. Which brings me back to my first point; just like that, I know God must have other plans for me.

The only place I can go is into your arms,
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness.
I can see that this is your will for me,
Help me to know you are near.

So, here's the plan. I'm staying in Japan for another six months which will take me to June/July. In a matter of time I believe, I will finally set my decision in writing that I will leave after that and not take up the job security of working at the school till Sept 2006. That is my decision. I'll pop over into China and see if I can be used there. And God knows what will happen next.

Audio: I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp.
Biblio: The Lady And The Unicorn by Tracy Chevalier.
Cerebrio: Off to school! I'm late!

FROM MILD IRRITATION TO PLAIN DISDAIN

The last couple of nights, I have been going to sleep early about 11pm only to be awaken sometime between 2am and 3am to CurlySu on the phone or on Skype appeasing the likes of a boy called Daniel. Yes, its their relationship, their business but I have no intention of "approving" this boy in her life.

The last two times the family has been on holiday together, he has not failed to hound for my sister's attention on the phone for hours; usually when everyone ought to be in bed. It has meant that she sleeps late, wakes late and basically fouls up the mood and plan of the day's schedule. And, our fitful sleep.

It's okay if its her plan, but when it means my sleep is consistently being broken I start to get very irritated at the thorn. I get woken up and then, I can't get to sleep for another hour. So I lose my sleep. And write like so. Mind you, my readers, I am not on holiday, I still have to work and then put in somemore time to take her around so I am accumulating an immense sleep debt.

There is a fine line between indulging her whims (and sleeping patterns) since she is on a holiday - I am trying my best not to let my irritation at the situation show - and wanting to put my foot down at something irreprehensibly ridiculous and terribly painful. Like, having him make her return flight arrangements (to return earlier so he can have her back. The selfish bugger. She's suppose to be here so she can spend time with me) and my having to sort out the logistics on this end meaning, finding the friggin' airline office in goodness knows where in Osaka City. Like hullo? It's already hard enough trying to etch out something that looks like I'm coping with Japan by trying not to have to trouble myself with it except for the absolutely neccesary. Now I have to make phone calls (with what language skills?), find the airline office in a city I still get lost in every weekend going to church, and then have to get myself understood to have the tickets changed? Does he not know how bloody hard it was to get our internet connected when we did have help from my japanese colleagues?

I'm sorry, I have gone from being irritated at him to plainly disliking a boy I have not met. I certainly do not intend to be nice beyond cordial. Thing is, for all their hard work, I am willing to wager on experience that this is not a relationship that will last a three-year distance between two continents. It's not even healthy enough. So, I won't even bother.

Audio: What's to be heard at 4am except my sensibilities telling me I should be asleep?
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: Pished. In college, I lost one of my close friends to a vampire boyfriend, who sucked her, just like that.

I BOUGHT A CARPET!

I meant to take Su into Amerika-mura this evening for her to exercise some of her spending power here but in the end, I found myself exercising more of my money power than she got to. It being winter, it was all the winter fashion streetwear about and the place where she is moving to is all about the tepid, slightly-less-than-tropic weather of the coast.

And I can never resist Amerika-mura. Never. This time, I outdid myself and bought an amber-tinted pair of shades. They'll do very well to keep out the UV but not very much to block out the sun and as if that wasn't a splurge, I got myself a wearable carpet from a second-hand store too.

It's a furry red coat with silver embroidery, gray-fur cuffs all around the middle, the sleeves and the big hoodie to keep your head warm in. Very north-eastern looking. An article of clothing I'd consider after being inspired from watching Seven Years In Tibet last night. I really fought to resist the temptation but I couldn't not pass owning something so indulgent for less than $100. Yet another one of those characteristic talking peices I endeavour to acquire.

Pictures here.

Audio: CurlySu's nattering.
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: CurlySu is considering cutting short her holiday, to go back a week early, on the 27th Dec instead of the 3rd, because she "thinks she should be at work on the 2nd Jan, monday". We know better. Someone in Singapore has been pestering her to spend more time with him...

HONEST GOODBYES

I was very sad when I had to see Laura off at the taxi to the airport. (I wasn't going to make the airport and work.) There were a few tears coming back up the apartment. I don't suppose I'll manage very well if I have to do this again in six months time when the goodbye will be for good if I decide to stay till next december. I don't want it that way. I'd rather go with her. Having to say goodbye to someone going away sometimes feels like a, "aww man, you're leaving me here? Why do you get to enjoy one month christmas hols back home with the folks while I dont?!" What did I do to deserve this?!

Audio: -/-
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: I will miss her!

THE CURL

CurlySu is here. All is good. Am being a paranoid android on her falling ill. Not neccessarily from me but just her sensitive health, particularly her allergies. So nagging her to keep fluids on her person and eat those nasty things called persimons and mandarin. We both agree that as far as vegetable and fruit are concerned, orange is simply the wrong colour for them. Sorry, God. :-)

Took her to Kobe City yesterday. A city of foreign-ness. An amalgamation of parts of Sydney, Germany, Spain and in general speak, the western world. Not Japan. Today, we attempt The Japanese City. *gasp* *choke on the pollution*.

OF NOT DOING POORLY AND DYING

Wow, this week has generally been a pretty laid back one for me. First two days off, and halve-days for the rest of the week. Nice. Good for recuperation.

Am feeling better. Coughing up my lungs less, but still nursing a sniffle. So what's left of this bronchitis? It's not over till this lady sings. And, I won't have enough lung power for a song for a little while. But thanks everyone for the concern.

Back at school yesterday, everyone was making like I was so sick and dying. Every two minutes, someone walking by my classroom would go like, "How you going? You should be resting? Can I take over something for you? Why don't you go home?" with a big dog-eyed faces. Really, I appreciate the care and concern but it made me feel so guilty for not feeling as sick and dying. I've been to work feeling way worse than this. Then again, bronchitis isn't a trivial matter in pollution-ridden Japan. So I took advantage of the concern and half the day off to rest up. I went home to whinge to Laura about everyone making me feel so poorly. Then the truth came out, she did play like I was very poorly and dying so that I would be able to take as much time off to rest as possible. Sweet.

Audio: Kyrie Eleison by Leigh Nash (Sixpence None The Richer).
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: I can't believe CurlySu is coming in two days!

I WILL MAKE LIKE A POTATO

Have been productive this sick leave morning. Cleaned up the front lounge, even wiped down the television, VCRs, even behind the sofas and threw some cushions into the washing machine. It didn't really like it though and threatened to eat it up, spit it out and explode. But I now have two clean cushions ready for CurlySu when she comes on saturday.

Spent an hour composing long over due replies to people. Mostly to inform some of the know that I shan't be coming home this christmas and maybe not even for Chinese New Year. Am decided that I shall be here and extend my contract for at least another six months to a year. If God doesn't open the door to Melbourne that is.

Melbourne University has offered me a place to further my Cultural Politics research with their Postcolonial Studies department with one of the best at the topic. Is a relief and comfort. But waiting on the moolah to support a four-year haul to be a poor starving student. Am at utmost peace about the outcome for Melbourne. Know with faith that if God closes this door, he wants me to be somewhere else (here?) doing something else (this?) for some time more.

Newsflash in my email. My last ex-boyfriend and the girl who I got left for have just got married and are honeymooning in Turkey. It was only a matter of time. Oh well.

Audio: You're The One For Me, Fatty by Morrissey.
Biblio: Japanese For Busy People, One.
Cerebrio: It could've been me. But then, I wouldn't have had this opportunity to be here. Hhrrrmm.

SEVERE

I had a chest x-ray and a blood test done to confirm I didn't have tubercolosis or pneumonia. But, I didn't get away with Severe Bronchitis.

J set it up with his father-in-law so we didn't even have to wait to see him. Apparently, he's the director of the hospital so preferential treatment was the way even at the X-ray labs. Just waltzed right in. I don't even want to suppose how much the full cost of the consultation would have been. I was told Y20,000 was the ballpark figure for something like that. That's about $250AUD, which I don't have and can't afford to spend. The meds were expensive but heck, I'm not going to complain after saving that kind of money.

The words "Severe Bronchitis" didn't just hit me, it must've hit him too cause he gave me the day off tomorrow. Now, believe me, I rather not lie around and do nothing. I like being productive but the doc said to crib. Well, good enough if I stay at home... I wonder if I can go out to dinner with Mon tomorrow at Outback in Osaka. I really want to have some good ol' Aussie style barbie on the grill and it will be ages before I get to do it again...

Audio: How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb by U2.
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: Now that I've already taken monday and will take tomorrow off, I wonder if I still get to take next tuesday off when Su comes.

DAY OFF

I'm ill enough to have to take the day off. :-/
I don't think I ever got really better from the last bout a month ago. So this time I'm determined to do what it takes (See: Doc's $$$) if need be to shake this off.

Update
The headmaster of AIS, just called to offer to pick me up and take me to see his doc father-in-law for no charge at all for consultation. That's nice, eh? Good thing I'm working for a organization with christian principles. :-) Medical fees in Japan are exorbitant and even more so without medical insurance. Need I say less about my language incapabilities to add to that? I'll pay for the meds and anti-biotics. I wanna anti-biotics to nuke these bugggers!

Audio: How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb by U2.
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: Spending the day at home "resting"... hard not to get distracted by all the errands and cleaning up to do.

I look decent! I almost feel like a lady again!

I'm sick again. I'm really getting fed up with myself. I think I'm taking all right care and then bang! Poppin lotsa vits and bits. Praying this will go away by the weekend. Have sucha full week ahead man! All the way till Chrissy!

As for the haircut. Great. At least I came out looking decent which is all i ask for in Japan. I almost feel like a lady again. It doesn't look any different (from when i last saw myself before in the mirror this morning...) but at least it looks clean. One thing I realize though, my hair is long. She cut so much of it off in the front but, its still long!

Audio: A vareity of Jewel on iTunes.
Biblio: Japanese for Busy People 1.
Cerebrio: Sleeeeeep.

JAPANESE SCISSORS.

After six months, I will finally submitt my crowning glory to the Japanese scissors after work today. Unbelievable? But true. No self respecting girl about town ought to have to be humiliated like that... but I threw "self-respecting" outta the window when I stepped on these shores.

On other matters, have caught the cold again. Tai-hen yo! Hopefully this time its just the cold and not a flu bug.

Audio: The silence of a cold morning.
Biblio: The Heavenly Man by Brother Yun.
Cerebrio: What am I going to eat for brekkie...