THAT WOULD EXPLAIN

I have now been out of Japan for two months and in Singapore for just a little less. I was talking to a friend and he said, "that would explain what you are feeling..."

To be completely honest, I have been feeling unsatisfied, discontented and generally frustrated at myself for feeling this way. I think I've adjusted and settled into something that most resembles a lifestyle routine here as can be found with my current modular program. But I still come away with a nagging sense of 'there's got to be more'. And all the avenues I've tried looking through here have only left me even more unsatisfied and frustrated.

I know this desire for more completeness, more fulfillment, more, more, more points to the fact that I wasn't made for a life on earth. Earth will never fill up the desires that God has put into us humans - so that we can't wait to get to Heaven.

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now.

Some would say, Death really is a gift. Till then.

Meanwhile, being discontented is a vicious cycle I've already caught myself at; nothing will satisfy and everything feels like its going wrong or that you're losing it. And then the fear of that loss starts to grip you and very soon what you had you will lose cause you're so transfixed on the fear itself. But when you're contented, you want to share what you've got and keep getting more for it. Oh, the deep irony of it.

I was explaining to said friend who made the above comment that half the reason why i've spent so long overseas is because of the challenges it allows me to take and those challenges give me the illusion of filling upward this desire for more. Eventually I realized that and that's when I decided that moving to Singapore was as much a challenge as it was an option. What did I get myself into.

When I think about it, everything i have had, I have and will have has been nothing short of a miracle. So this ought to be inexplicable and uncalled for. I don't know where I'm going to look for the next fill, what I'm going to do to get away from this. It's ridiculously manic and it's not worth the agony.

Audio: The new MercyMe album Coming Up To Breathe.
Biblio: The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis.
Cerebrio: More, more, more.

THE RUDE SHOCK OF MOVING TO SINGAPORE

It eventually had to happen - the rude shock of moving here. And its taken me a few days before I'm ready to process it out here.

Wednesday. 6:30pm, West Mall, Bukit Batok.
I'm on my way to meet Tay and her boy at the Bukit Batok MRT station so we can go to the club together for a game of tennis. So, I had my a cumbersome tennis bag in tow in my left hand. It's peak hour so its crowded; I go with the flow and move with the flow. There are people in the front of me and at the back of me, to my left is a line of people waiting for some tidbit food, the line ends with a mature older lady at the brink of grandmother-hood. To my right is the line of people walking in opposite direction.

So, walk on I do until my path is blocked by a lady wanting to make a right; that is cutting through the ongoing crowd direction and cutting right into my path. I keep in the direction I'm walking and she walks straight into me. And finds herself in the corner of my body and my tennis bag. She doesn't relent and I'm not moving anywhere forward, backward, left or right. So, her path is cut short.

And then she shoves me with force using both hands to my shoulder and I lose my balance but don't topple over into the people behind me or the lady in the line for food. The good thing is I don't understand a lot of mandarin or dialect so I don't know what she said, but I know it wasn't pleasant.

I still can't believe she actually got physical with me! Yes, yes and all the Smiles campaign and the drive for politeness toward the IMF delegates coming. Suppose I was a real asian foreigner as opposed to a foreigner in her native land? I did find it a little traumatizing, I use that word cause it truly upset me to the the point I thought I really didn't belong here.

One day I shall dare again to tread into that mall....

THOUGHTS ON THE COMPLAINT OF WORK

Alright, so once in every so often (is that even possible?) people get into a season and complain about work. I say a season because I hope it's seasonal and that eventually it generally goes away and then maybe comes back; at least sort of cyclic rather than constant.

My concern right now is what I will or will not be complaining about in a year or two. Among my peers, I did a check of averages considering the average person, working average hours for the average wage. Hypothetically, stereotypically and given a work you generally can do and enjoy being challenged at, a person 2-3 years in the working world would be clocking in about 10-12 hours a day and on the average s/he would earn within the 2-3K region. At 5 years, at the same amount of hours, the average executive wage would be 3-4K. By 7 years, that same person might be getting 6-7K.

Consider the life of a teacher. He starts work at 7am and finishes at around 4-5pm (10hrs), 5 days a week and earns in the 2-3K region. Now, why is it that teacher's complain so much in the industry? What are they complaining about? The CCAs? The marking? The meetings? All the "-ings" that add hours beyond the school day of 7am-2pm? How is that different from accountants' spreadsheets and financial executives' follow-up work on meetings that take up his time of the day? Arn't these the things that make up work?

So, whatever career anyone ends up choosing, the average workload and the average hours needed to complete it and the average pay come up to be about the same at the professional and executive level. By the end of 5 years, a teacher might get 3-4K too; yes, that's the average professional executives' wage.

Then why do we complain so much? We did afterall make our own decisions into the work we chose.

I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO OWN MORE THAN TWO GUITARS

I've gone and done something I procrastinated for months and years to do - as of today, I'm also a music student at a music school in the CBD. And, to give me more incentive, I bought myself a new guitar too.

Now, I am one of those people who own three or more guitars; those people whom I always secretly question, "why do you need so many?". Oops.



Audio: -/-
Biblio: yes, I haven't really been reading out of the curriculum much these days...
Cerebrio: ... but, at a Worship Night event last night, I met someone who plays drums and is looking for someone to jam with! The signal was clear as day that picking up my guitar and bettering my skills was the thing to do.

KING

They call this the King of Fruits

PAY PEANUTS, GET MONKEYS

Week 2 and its already less exhausting. Good sign, yes? Work, smurk. It's nothing at the moment. I'm easing into planning some kick-ass lessons involving Shrek, Donkey, Counting Crows and some IMDB reviews. Don't worry, I have already been adequately forewarned of the mayhem to come. But for now, I'll just enjoy the learning.

And, I just couldn't help but share this sad but true story in Singapore...

A lady died this past January, and City Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family Member placed a call to City Bank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

City Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

City Bank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

City Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

City Bank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being dead?"

City Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor"

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

City Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

City Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

City Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

City Bank: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

City Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

City Bank: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway ---, Plot Number --."

City Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

WEEK 1

After a week, finally a morning I awake to light! I'm still getting used to waking up at 5:45am; the idea of leaving the house before the sun is up just so EARLY. Aside from the matter of sleep, "work" is so far, so good.

The school I am currently observing held a big function last night, "Community Night". I have yet to figure out the actual purpose of the event beyond contributing something to the community but nontheless, I thought it was a worthwhile time for me. Minister Lim Boon Heng, member of parliament and his council were in attendance and he rattled off something his speechwriter wrote, but I could barely hear much above the mumbling of the 850-people-large crowd. The students put up an effort of a performance, the Chinese Orchestra, the Band, the Choir, a few solo pieces and even a tantalizing salsa/latin number by (just) two girls. Some of us at our table were puzzled about the message they were sending across. But I found the chinese cultural wushu dance most entertaining; the boys all looked like Ryu and Ken from the videogame Streetfighter and I was quite literally fixated. Altogether, I found it an eye-opener for "being local".

Community Night

Audio: -/-
Biblio: I'm finally reading something - the secondary 1 literature text, The House of Sixty Fathers by Meidert Dejong.
Cerebrio: Tennis!