I got married!

It is only fitting that I make the announcement: I got married last weekend!

Preludes to the wedding were somewhat busy, but I assume I had it very easy since
1. my aunt was the wedding planner.
2. my mom settled the food (I didn't even know what was served)
3. my dad was in his element with designs
4. my family is non-trad so we skipped all the ceremonial bits except the church and did away with the asian tradition of a dinner banquet and just had the extended family dinner instead. This was great to catch up with all the out-of-town folk.
5. we decided to work on our house after the wedding so we wouldn't have a million and another one things to work on. I just went to the apartment yesterday with Dad to have a look-see again at what needs to be done. We are aiming to be ready for people by mid-feb.

Other notables...
The morning of the wedding was quite fun! I had no problem sleeping the night before as with most nights. (Or days for that matter). I was up early and well-rested. Had my regular brekkie over the newspaper. People started to stream into the house and it was like a party. My mom loved that there were so many boys in the food ransacking her fridge. She said, 'This is what you have a house for'. I caught up with cousins, family friends and friends who had flown straight in from the airport as my make-up was being done. It was so good that we dawdled for time and even thought to swing by the drive-in to get more food but the Rev. actually called to make sure the bridal party was on its way. You bet the party was on its way!

As I was walking down the aisle, my only thought was, "This is easier than I thought!" The ceremony was quite quick and once the vows were said, I thought, "you mean we waited this long and this is it?!" It was a bit of an anti-climax so it makes one wonder what exactly is the darn big deal that most people get their knickers knotted up over.

If there was one thing I was anxious over - it was only that Andy would tip me back to far and I would topple over during the 'kiss the bride' bit. We figured, since most people made the sacrifice of sleep or time to be here, we'd make sure that they at least had something good to take away so we went for the Hollywood kiss... I've had various comments from, "why not lower!" to "I thought that was pretty low!"

Yes, yes. I am now a pretty Low.

Pictures will be up in awhile in some FlickR Pro account. I'm excited to see the pics but I'm not in such a big rush either so I'm aiming to release the url when Andy and I get back from our honeymoon. That, should be great.

Meanwhile, here's the growing up vid we showed at the ceremony, now made available for all to enjoy!

100% Present

I had plans today to meet a good friend I've known for almost ten years. The idea was to check-in with each other before I cross over to the other side. I think it would've been good if it happened but that's be rainchecked.

As was the last time we tried to make plans with each other. I'm fully aware that people lead very busy lives in Singapore but I would have to agree with my mom on this, "only dead people have no time!" I for one find myself squeezing for time too but I am a firm believer that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Time is a scarcity to all in Singapore, and how we spend our time shows our priority - if you spend more time earning big bucks or climbing up the ladder, it tells of your treasure and where your heart is.

Another principle I am a firm believer and advocate for is that when I do something, I want to do it with all of me. Not halfway and not multi-tasking my priorities. This I find a very hard balance to walk as a Christian - how do I balance giving my all to my pay-master (who is always demanding more) and giving my all to the other priorities in my life, like God, friends or ministry. Even as I write these words, I see the plank in my eye, I do invest more heart into work nowadays than I do into ministry. And excuses are easy to find.

I bring up these two principles because of late, I find myself wondering why it is that meeting up with said friend is that difficult and when we do, she is also doing something else? Either it is meeting up with her while going shopping for an important article of clothing, or going for a run with her and then have her friend join us because its been a long time since they caught up, or as in the case today, suggesting I meet her while she goes shopping in town for a new phone for her mom instead of our plan to just have coffee in the quiet suburbs - and that was already a 1 hour slot-in before dinner.

I was selfish. I was tired of being slotted in-between, tired of being part of a multi-task. I want to be 100% present and I need her to be 100% present too - we are all taking time out of our busy schedules to do this, so lets jolly well do this completely. In the end, I realized I wasn't going to make a rushed trip down to town to see her if it wasn't going to be an opportunity to catch-up with her fully while she went to pick up her phone. And, especially since I know she was going to rush off for her dinner appointment.

To me, it just speaks of where her priorities are not. I believe she would consider me important. But, making someone a 'multi-task' to do is rude and it says of where that person's importance is. I am of more value than a new phone!

It's a pity. I'll still try to see if we can meet up but maybe this is already an indication of how dynamics are starting to divide. Learning points for me are that I really must be 100% present when making appointments with my friends and I must make the time to make them important in my life.

The length of things to come.

I just thought I should mention that I am giving up my beloved mouse after eight years of use. Nowadays, its hard to find electronic gadgets that [1] can last you that long and [2] don't get out-dated.

I traded it in for a very similar one but I didn't realize the scroll button was going to be bright blue lit. I decided to trade it in after I started using the mouse assigned at work. It seemed to have a better feel and sensitivity. I wonder how long I'll get to keep it.

Oh yeah, and I get married in a week.

Randomness is good!

As much as I'm looking forward to being married, there is something frustrating about couple-dom. I wrote about it in the last blog - and I'm writing about it again. Last time it was about Ice Creamery, and bless her heart, H has invited us for dessert there next week with lots of time in advance to plan for it.

Today, its about karaoke. Now, I'm not really a big fan of the K-box. It's really not my thang but, I do enjoy it once in a while ever since inculcating the appreciation of the fellowship in Japan. D, who invited me/us has mentioned about plans for it albeit a few failed attempts but it looks like it will happen today because tomorrow is a public holiday. *Insert happy dance here.*

But, I may yet have to turn this fun, random and impromptu invitation down precisely because it was not planned for. Last week we couldn't make bible study because we had a late night at the wedding rehearsal and just had no more juice. Yesterday we had another late night so A may have no more juice again to stay up late although I am half tempted to persevere in building relationships with new people.

That said, when I think about "building relationships with new people" and then consider how those relationships I talked about in the last post that I so consciously spent investing in may not have much to show, I begin to wonder if it is really worth investing in. And to add to that, my opinion of relationships in Singapore is that most of them really try but then they are so closed and they fail in depth so is it really worth wiping out for new relationships? Of course, for the old ones, I would do it in a heartbeat.

That is of course, if it were just me and I was 23 all over again. Life was so wonderfully random then.

The Questions that I'm asking 3 weeks to the wedding

The lack of blog entries has to do with maintaining some semblance of privacy as my life becomes shared with those I teach, it has to do with busy-ness which is a terrible excuse and has quite little to do with how much I am reflecting.

Well, here we are, if this entry was a part of regular intervals, the next time I write I would become Mrs. Low.

I initially started blogging in 1995 - I can't remember why. It eventually tapered to a purposeless natural death even through moving countries. Then it resurrected before I left Sydney to Japan because I thought it was time for those 'in-between' years where the most life change occurs, to be put down for posterity.

I've been wondering how fast things change; how Andy and I got to the place where we are now about to be married; how I got to the place where lifestyle choices I made are but memories in this new place I live in; how I always remember those habits so freshly that I want to do them again but one year into moving here I still haven't. And, in all honesty, if I haven't made decisions to do them so far, I probably won't fine the opportunity to do them pretty soon. And if this keeps happening those memories will fade so fast.... It seems Sydney was like 2 or 3 lifetimes ago.

I was also thinking about friendships and relationships. I've always been a goal oriented person. Sometime ago, I realized how goal oriented it was and how it didn't always help in building relationships which was a more associative thing to do. So, I decided I would pursue associative endeavors, invest in building deeper relationships. I'd say I've been doing this for at least 5 years now. I got to the place where I realized pursuits of tangible goals left little tangible reward at the end of the day and I was convinced the place to invest time (and money) was into relationships which were intangible and made intangible differences.

I'm beginning to think if this is an incorrect assumption because, I'm getting married in 3 weeks. Of the friendships and relationships I've taken the time to build, only 2-3 of them will be represented to witness our wedding. In an invite list of 350+, my friends number 50 and even less of those will be present. And only a few of those that are represent the friendships and relationships I've intentionally put in effort to develop and deepen. I'm not sure what it the conclusion I should now assume.

I believe that there are three general categories of friends. The acquaintances of which you meet to bless or be blessed that come and go. The immediate friends of which you have a symbiotic relationship of need and those on the long-haul who have been there forever and ever. All of them require similar investment into.

Another way to categorize friends are the upflow and downflow of need and blessing. A category of friends whom you go to especially when you're in need and those whom you make yourself available to bless when they are in need. We need both. Over the years, my upflow friends have moved on in their chapters of life. Moved from needing one another to perhaps just needing their other halves. Moved from giving to you to giving to additions in their family. So that you find yourself in this middle place, now with a certain responsibility to be helping others the same way they once helped you.

I wonder what will change the other side of marriage - will I join the up-flow friends who 'moved on' into another phase of life? Do I have to leave behind some down-flow friends and let them be challenged to grow on their own the same way I've had to? Do I consider the friendships as symbiotic or take them with me beyond marriage into long-haul? Will the relationships I have invested in really carry through the other side of the 24th of November? Or should it be my prerogative to build this incredibly new and significant relationship I gain? Will the other side of courtship give us the opportunity to exercise the lifestyle choices we once made? Will we finally get some peace from planning the wedding and building our new home? Or, when that finally happens, will we find our current memories a distant past just like Sydney and Japan?